Rebel of all sorts

So I did forget to mention that after the big stress of my MRI..I went to go get my earring put back in that goes on the little flap out side of my ear canal..the little ball is almost impossible to get back in..While at Mink ink, I was inquring about nose piercing..How bad it hurt and what to expect. My friend earlier had gotten hers done and while I had always thought it would be fun I had never done it. So I bit the bullet and now I have a small little diamond stud in my nose. Of course it feels weird, but it is exciting. I told Rob, the man who did it that I felt weird having it done. I mean I am a mom of 3 and I drive a mini van..ha ha..He says I'm 42 years old and you are who you are. Which was very well said. Would I ever pierce a nipple..No..Hell no..ha ha..But Its fun and after the stress of the MRI I deserved it:)
To boot it didn't even hurt..I've had zits on my nose hurt worse than this did. It made me feel alive and helps me to feel not so consumed by being a mom..I am still me and I still have all sorts of life in me!

MRI done

I got my MRI yesterday. I had put it off and put it off because I was hoping my symptoms would go away. Plus the fact that my insurance won't cover it and I will have to pay for an MRI of the inner ear and the brain. So a 3600.00 bill is inevitable. The lady who did the MRI was wonderful and it wasn't as bad as I thought. Granted I had a few valium in my system and felt pretty good. I felt a tad bit claustraphobic but the time went by pretty quick. I am so relieved that I am done and its over with. I think just the worry of going was putting a huge amount of stress on me. I needed to get it done to be able to feel a sense of peace again. I could have done blood work etc, but I would still wonder about brain tumors and all that scary stuff. Plus I don't want to let things go if there is something wrong. Which I have convinced myself is going to be ok and I am healthy!!! So now I just wait for the results and they said it would be in, in 3-4 business days. So If they don't want to hear from me every day I suggest that they call me soon! Ha Ha!

Random thoughts

Learning quicker and quicker that things don't always have to be in my control. Everything happens for a reason. I have 3 kids the house will be messy. Money doesn't matter as long as we have each other. Its great to have friends and family. Most likely I am not dying although I am nervous. Kids say the darndest things.
Lately my 3 year old Alec has been cussing like a sailor...I blog to relieve stress. Mark is stubborn beyond words just like his momma. Blake ONLY wants me which is a great feeling and semi annoying to..(I can't get anything done) I don't want to either:P I love, love my hubby! Been together 13 years and almost married for 11! I was married for 5 years before I had my first Surprise baby at 23. I wondered why I waited so long when he got here. I think about having a 4th. Although hubby thinks about not having anymore. I now drive a mini van. Guess I sealed my own fate on that one for "NEVER" wanting one. I secretly like it although I'm only 29. I worry about losing those closest to me. Like my parents. We have been in a better financial situation. But what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. I am full of empty threats. Although the kids don't know that just yet. (Maybe they do) Ha ha!
I never got the handbook on parenting. So my kids don't always listen like they should and are good on embarrasing me in public. My spelling isn't as good as it used to be. I have regrets about not going to school after graduation. Would things have turned out this way if I had? Most likely not. I may have never met my three beautiful children because things would have been different.
I tend to value people more than they value me. Which is hurtful, but I've learned to deal with it.
Thinking that there is something wrong with me is one of the scariest things I've ever gone through. I can not wait to get that Dumb MRI...so I will know and can move on!
My parents had me later in life. My mom was 44 and my dad was 37. My mom is turning 73 this month and my dad just turned 66. Turning 30 really bothers me to. I know its just another number, but I look around at all these people still so young and it just reminds me of when I was younger. I'm sure one day I will look back and wonder why I ever cared. Maybe I just realized that I don't..See why its good to have random thoughts:)
My husband works so much..its lonely and annoying..but I know he needs to and I'm glad he isn't in the bar instead.
Happy Easter

Always something..

So today I went to go and try to get all of my appts set up and of course I got the headache of it. I had to get my prescription for a valium. I am nervous to get a MRI..so of claustrophobic for some reason. That all started about 10 years ago when I went to the tanning salon and never got over it. Anyway I go to check on the MRI and get it scheduled. Naturally my insurance isn't going to cover it. So I am looking at 1800 for one of the MRI tests and 1800 for the other one. They also mentioned that they don't cover inner ear disorders..Not sure if thats the case with me, but basically I am going to have to pay regardless. The upside to my 3500 MRI is that once they bill the insurance and it gets denied they will take payments from me. Woopdeedoo! ha ha..So I looked into getting a CT scan and I'm not crazy about that either. Did you know that They use radiation for it? That doesn't make me feel any better. Still not sure what to do or if the insurance is even worth it. It costs me 200 per month just for me! Maybe I need to stash that cash every month incase I need it. But wait..soon enough I will have to have insurance no matter what. If we have the money or not. I am so torn and don't know what to do..Maybe I have a little anxiety..

I was looking up the symptoms of anxiety and was amazed at the long list of things that can be anxiety based. It is very scary!

MRI here I come.

So today I went to the dr for this annoying whooshing sound I have had in my ear. Now I get to go and get an MRI done and a hearing test which is less that ideal for me. I don't know why getting an MRI is so scary to me but it is. Hopefully things will come out good. There comes a point where you start to worry about your life and if you will be ok. I'm only 29 and i am a self proclaimed worry wart. My kids need me, I need them, I need my hubby and worry about leaving this earth to early. I know it sounds morbid and I don't mean to, I'm just worried. The Dr said ringing in one ear is not normal. I just gotta suck it in and hope and pray for the best. Luckily our bodies are programed to give us warning signs. Hopefully a few weeks from now this will all be behind me and I will have the result of being fine. Please keep me in your prayers!

I'm not looking forward to the MRI. I never used to be claustrophobic, but for some reason I am now. I had a panic attack one time when I went tanning and was never able to get past it. Thankfully I did because I worry all the time about the tanning and how damaging it is to your health. A definite sign from God..to get out and never go back. But I do worry I will get scared again. Loss of hearing can also cause whoosing sound so I guess we will see how it all goes!
I cried and went through the emotions..so tomorrow is another day..I hope a better one!

Update

Just thought I'd shout from the roof top, I have only 5 more pounds to go!!!

Things are going well as I can expect I guess. I am waiting to find out if we are going to be able to modify our home loan. Yesterday I got papers saying they needed a request to modify. What, I sent this all in, in November and have since sent out updated paystubs. I called them today and they said that they need an updated one. So basically they are wasting my time. I don't want to have to move, but geez I feel like things are not going in the right direction and maybe we should just get out.
Then I am scared to have to rent a home when we have owned our own home since 2001. It was our first house on Roosevelt off of airway. I loved our home, but when we became parents we decided that the street was way to busy and it was too risky for our children. So we sold it in 05. We bought a major fix er upper and we are really happy here. We put a lot of money into in and I don't want to move. WE have the greatest neighbors, our street isn't busy and I just love the neighborhood. So time will tell. Also what will be will be.

Blake just turned 6 mos old. He has popped his first bottom tooth. He is doing great. Dragging himself every where getting ready to crawl. Still not a big fan of baby food, so I have not pushed it.
Alec and Mark are awesome. Mark will be turning 6 in May and Alec is 3. They are both growing at a great rate and Mark's Kindergarten report card was AWESOME!!

We have gone to church 7 weeks in a row now. Last weekend Brandon didn't make it and it was ok. I ventured out alone with the kiddos and it wasn't bad at all. I love going and I love feeling renewed. I love that the kids ask when we are going again. They are awesome.

6 mos

Well my Blake is turning 6 mos old already. On the 20th. where has the time gone? I've started him on some cereal..He doesn't really seem all that interested. He still gags on it just a little bit. I hope it passes and that he gets more interested in food. I don't think he knows what he is missing. I decided to try some oatmeal with bananas. When Mark was a baby he loved it. Alec, didn't really care so much he wanted the good stuff. So hopefully Blake just isn't quite ready yet. Although I am..its hard to fully satisfy a booby baby. He likes to nurse and I don't blame him but its really hard on the momma.
I will keep you updated on the solids. Let me know if any of your children were ever not totally ready for food and it took them a bit longer.