Isn't it funny...

Isn't it funny that no matter how many wrongs or injustices that another person may cause us that we feel compassion towards them?  I guess this is all about forgiveness and moving on. Years ago Brandon had an ex girl friend, yada, yada, yada..Fast forward 13 years later and her sister has breast cancer.  Tested in February and the Dr said she didn't have cancer.  Now jump forward to September and she was misdiagnosed. She now has a aggressive cancer that they are dealing with.  My husbands first reaction was to pray for her.  My reaction was to cry for her.  She is someone's daughter,girlfriend, mother, sister and MOTHER..Yes I know I repeated that one, but it hit me hard. She has kids, she is only 34 or 35 and she is really sick.  Now she never cared for me because I was the new girlfriend of her sister's ex boyfriend. I get it .  Family loyalty..I would do the same thing. Later, I became his wife and time has moved on with all of us..There aren't hard feelings anymore. At least for me.  My heart aches for her and I can't seem to get it out of my mind.  Hoping that she is going to be ok and that she is going to beat this. I'm praying for her full recovery..Thinking at one time that I didn't like her because she treated me wrongfully.  But none of that matters right now. I guess in life when we think we have it bad there is alway someone out there who has it worse.  I'm praying for you girl, even if you don't know it or care.  I am and I hope you get a 100% recovery..
*funny what happens when you become a grown up, you change*

anxiety anyone?

I'm not sure why, but some times I get major anxiety.  This never used to be a problem for me but lately I've been getting really uptight.  Back in April when I had my MRI, I was causing myself some major anxiety.  I even created some of my own symptoms from worrying about things so much. After I got an all clear from the doc, I started to feel much better. 

Now lately I've been feeling uneasy again.  I don't feel stressed out, but I know that I am always concerned that there is something wrong with me. 

I worry that some thing will happen to me and that my hubby will be left with out me. That my babies will grow up with out their mom. I get this tightness in my chest and I get pains. So naturally I start worrying that there is something wrong with my heart.  I haven't been going to the gym as much and I'm sure that is part of the problem.  Really my worries seem so less than some people I know out there.  I know that there are people out there that are way worse off than I am.  I am so grateful that I have a loving husband, darling little boys who light up my life,  a great family and supportive friends.  So what's my deal..why can't I shake this?? Maybe its human nature, I don't know but I need it to go away soon. It feels like its making me crazy! I really want to avoid meds if at all possible.  Going to the doc right now just isn't feasable either.  I had insurance that I was paying 200.00 per month for JUST me.  But even after the fact I was still getting bills. So I decided to cancel it. Maybe thats why I'm uneasy..I don't like the way that our bodies can take control and give us all these symptoms and scare us so much. 

I know that God has a plan for all of us and if its my time its my time, but I can't help but pray for more time with my kids, and hubby.  I really hope this passes soon.  Worrying because you are worried is so hard on anyone. I just want to feel good and normal and not be worried all of the time. 

I never used to be a worry wart, but I guess I never had as much to live for as I do now..

Blessed

I just have to say how blessed we are this year with Mark's teacher.  She is simply amazing.  So caring, and really interested in her students.  We got very lucky this year!

Random thoughts

Its amazing to me how looking for one shoe can just about destroy our whole day! (I was reminded by a fellow blogger of this)

When you have kids you are almost certain to find the most unusual things in the most unusual places. Like the toilet paper roller in the living room toothbrush in the toy box..  what are your findings?

Now that my kids are starting to go to school I feel like I am in school all over again. I must be positive and keep telling them how fun and educational school is. I truly believe this, but some times feel over whelmed.

Most people need 6-7 hours of sleep every night.  I'm one of those that needs around 9 to function.

Some days I wonder how those who have full time jobs, relationships, children, hobbies, and school do it.  I feel most days that I am barely making it and I am a stay at home mom!

Fall is my favorite time of year.  From September through January is my favorite time of year. I used to enjoy decorating for all of these holidays too.  But its difficult because nothing is my own any more.  My OCD comes out when I am trying to decorate and sometimes I just want to do it with out any help. Remember I have 6 extra sets of hands wanting to help me! I know they wouldn't be children though if they were not excited.  Getting excited is the best part.

I thought that getting up early would be tough, as I have not been up early in 6 years.  All of my children have been sleepers.  But I must admit I am really enjoying the change. There is just something about the morning air, the sun rays so fresh and alive, and the fact that I get a little more done.
I've always been a night owl and know how much I will dislike myself if I stay up late.  Sometimes I just can't help it.  There is always so much to do, and sometimes I like a good veg when every one is asleep.  I'm never alone and at night I am.  I can't even go to the bathroom alone. If for some reason I close the bedroom door there is a sensor that goes off in the little ones heads and immediately they are at the door.

I don't know what changes in people as they age, but some lose their patience and love for children. I try my hardest to be a good mom.  If I say that some one is getting a spanking when we get out side they are..I mean it. But the dirty looks I get some times are crazy. I find most people love kids and children, but there are a few that forget..or say their children never did those things.  Don't know what has changed..I mean my kids get things taken away.  The get spanked sometimes and there are days we take trips to the store and they don't get anything.I guess I don't care though my children make me happy and thats all that counts.

I was NEVER a coffee drinker until I had my first Starbucks.  Now there isn't a day that goes by that I don't have some sort of coffee.  For years we didn't even own a coffee pot. We had filters and that was about it.

I have 6 cats and 3 dogs.  Don't really know when this happened but my love for animals took over. I have put strays in my garage before and driven all over to try and find the owners.  I get embarrassed by the fact that I have so many. I love them all.  People all react differently to this. I kind of feel like the creepy cat lady..But I had 3...and my dad saved a momma cat from the pound..who had 5 kittens. They were all about to be put down. So, I adopted 3 of theirs.  They kept 2 and found the momma home. Basically my parents would do anything for me, so to help them out I took 3 of the babies home.  What kind of a world do we live in where a momma and her 1-2 week old babies are put to sleep? 

I'm working on being more punctual. Being late is one of my WORST qualities.  I am proud to say that we have not been to school late at all. I don't want my children to learn that bad habit. The frustrating part is that I ALWAYS plan, and have good intentions..but something always comes up.  Someone comes over, something takes longer than is was supposed to. It never fails.  But I am trying!! I don't want to be the late mom that shows up all flushed because she was late and embarrassed her children. Punctuality is a big  HUGE thing in someones personality and I am striving to be better! Then there are days where I am on time and I'm TOO early..so I end up driving around a few extra minutes because I just didn't plan it right..Geez, how does this happen??

I like to cook..Can't say that there are days where we don't eat the same things over and over.  Luckily I have a patient hubby who doesn't mind.  I think some days we can not find the kids in the house because its so messy.  But he doesn't get mad..He lets me do things how I need too.  He helps me out.  Maybe he understands..Maybe he doesn't.

Going to school was one of the best times of my life. I often look around at kids that are aching to get out of school and it makes me sad.  I don't know if they realize how much they will miss it. I have dreams about being there and not knowing my schedule or being able to remember my locker combination. I think back and ask my self if I remember being 16 or 17..Or what it was like when I was 22 or 23. Its so strange to be approaching 30..Its a big milestone. I know it will be great though. Getting older had definitely brought me things that I would not have had at 16 or 17.  I had my first baby at 23! Amazing..Life was empty until I had kids! Then there are my friends who don't have children and I get sort of envious of that freedom they have to do anything.. Then I remember that having children is so short lived. They grow up way to fast!!

I often ask myself why I am not one of those GO TO people..Meaning, you know how there are people out there that others seem to flock too.  They are sought after and everyone wants their friendship..I just am not one of those people.  I have friends, but good friends are far and few between. I have the "friends" that I only hear from when they want something, are going through a break up, think I can help or just aren't there..I have a few older friends. But I'm not really Top on anyone's list and its hurtful..because I am a good friend. I'm loyal, understanding and super laid back.  I just don't know what vibe it is that those GO TO people put out there, but apparently I need to pick some up at the health food store!

Jr. High was a nightmare for me..I went from having friends in Elementary school, to not having any.  Not sure why..I dreaded being dropped off and remember standing at my locker to seem as though I was cleaning it out or something. Then, when I did find a group to hang out with I remember very clearly walking through the halls with them (and this girl that I was sort of friends with) this guy who was the boyfriend asking me why I was following them around like a lost puppy.  That hurt..then there was a friend who had issues..One day I was her best friend and then the next she was telling someone else that. She would say wait here, I'm going to go talk to someone.  I'd wait for her and she would Leave me there to just sit. Man..no wonder I'm funny about my friends. Thankfully by the end of 7th beginning of 8th I had a few friends..I was never in the popular group though.

So today I let you in on some of my life's happenings.  They aren't all sunshine and rainbows, but I feel they have made me who I am. They have defined me.

Camera bandit still at large..

Apparently the camera bandit likes to snap photos of his most prized possesions.  Any guesses as to what this is??? To be continued....I will give you a few days to ponder on this one..

A week ago

Sammy

A week ago today someone very special left my life. Sammy our beloved pet of around 9 years. Its odd how much you miss them. They become a member of your family and its strange not to see them.  You miss their quirks, and all the fun things about them. My house and yard seem so empty and lifeless with out him. He left us so suddenly. My heart aches thinking about him being gone.  I know time heals all and that one day we will be together again. But it still doesn't take away the hurt that I feel now that he is gone. He was so special in his own ways and this little reminder proves to me once again how fast time goes by. A week already.

Please pay no attention to the debris that are around him. My kiddos were helping me with him and with babying him for the week, the house went down hill in a bad way. We also have a little dog named scrappy who likes to get into the trash.  I guess I should blog about him one day too:)