I'm not sure why, but some times I get major anxiety. This never used to be a problem for me but lately I've been getting really uptight. Back in April when I had my MRI, I was causing myself some major anxiety. I even created some of my own symptoms from worrying about things so much. After I got an all clear from the doc, I started to feel much better.
Now lately I've been feeling uneasy again. I don't feel stressed out, but I know that I am always concerned that there is something wrong with me.
I worry that some thing will happen to me and that my hubby will be left with out me. That my babies will grow up with out their mom. I get this tightness in my chest and I get pains. So naturally I start worrying that there is something wrong with my heart. I haven't been going to the gym as much and I'm sure that is part of the problem. Really my worries seem so less than some people I know out there. I know that there are people out there that are way worse off than I am. I am so grateful that I have a loving husband, darling little boys who light up my life, a great family and supportive friends. So what's my deal..why can't I shake this?? Maybe its human nature, I don't know but I need it to go away soon. It feels like its making me crazy! I really want to avoid meds if at all possible. Going to the doc right now just isn't feasable either. I had insurance that I was paying 200.00 per month for JUST me. But even after the fact I was still getting bills. So I decided to cancel it. Maybe thats why I'm uneasy..I don't like the way that our bodies can take control and give us all these symptoms and scare us so much.
I know that God has a plan for all of us and if its my time its my time, but I can't help but pray for more time with my kids, and hubby. I really hope this passes soon. Worrying because you are worried is so hard on anyone. I just want to feel good and normal and not be worried all of the time.
I never used to be a worry wart, but I guess I never had as much to live for as I do now..
2 comments:
i completely understand your anxiety. what's that thing you told me again about telling something it's not welcome or something....can't remember exactly but just tell that to your anxiety. i know....easier said than done. i think it's the combination of loving so deeply and aging that makes anxiety worse. no joke...now that i hit 30i'm kind of a wreck more often than not. it's not really a fear of getting older and thinking i'll fall apart. i think something weird just happens to our brains. or maybe we are just mental :).
Training yourself to stop feeling anxious is so hard, and I completely know how you feel! You are not crazy, but I understand how you can feel that way, because I sometimes feel that way, too. Even with meds, it can be a struggle. That's why I don't have many friends--they have such a hard time understanding me. Maybe us "crazies" should get together sometime?? Haha!
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