Good Bye my friend

My Friend Levi, left this world last Friday. He had been mine and Brandon's room mate for 3 years. He got accepted to NAU and then from Flagstaff he went on to Phoenix. I don't know why, or how come he could leave this world. I just know how much I am going to miss him. He was one of the sweetest most caring people I knew. I could talk to him about anything. He was such a helpful person. Everyone that met him liked him. This is one of most recent pics I have of him with one of his friends. I will miss him every day and hope one day to meet up with him again. A bright star has gone out and he will be missed a lot. A big loss at the very young age of 28.

When did I settle for mediocre?

I'm sure I spelled mediocre wrong..But when did I settle?
I had a bridal shower tonight at my house. I spent 2 days cleaning, organizing, and rearranging and it still wasn't clean enough. I'm just wondering where I started to falter. I still felt very insecure and umcomfortable with people in my house. I sat in my room looking around at the piles of stuff. Granted it is NOTHING like an episode of hoarders, but I can see things starting to pile here or there. Its like this dirty little secret that I carry around on my shoulders. When people come over unannounced I'm embarrased or if I know someone is coming by or we have an event here its guaranteed that I will have to clean for 2 days. My husband LOVES to invite people over and if I'm LUCKY I will get a few hours notice. Even though he knows I'm going to yell at him he STILL does it. So here I am running around frantically trying to pick up, while Blake is crawling around on the floor in hot pursuit of me to pick him up. What does my husband say as I do this all one armed?? Oh they don't care! What?!? Darn right they care and in the least if they don't care, they notice.
Its so hard to let people in on such an intimate part of your life. Then when people offer me help I'm even more horrified because they see how the house REALLY is.

My poor kids too! We can never find laundry. My husband will tell me he needs pants or socks at 6am when I'm in bed. before getting into the shower I'm doing the naked dive into the garage to grab a towel and hopeing no one is coming up to the front door as I shoot by. I know we have some clothes that are continually in the wash cycle. Wash, dry, put in basket, take to room, put on bed, fall to floor, get mixed in with clean or maybe dirty, get picked up and washed again and it starts all over!

So I am wondering when I settled for mediocre, and started letting myself get soooo behind on everything. I'm definitely NOT your super mom. I get tired of cleaning and on the rare occasion I only have one of the boys..you better believe my butt is parked on the couch watching TV, facebooking, or blogging.
Some honest truths:

Sometimes dishes sit in the sink for days!

There is an impression of my couch underneath, mad up of toys, dishes and lord knows what else.

I've used lysol spray on things by the door to make it smell like I've been cleaning.
I blame 95% of it on the kids.
I feel better when people tell me I have 3 kids and that's why the house is messy..when deep down I wonder if they tell me that to make me feel better.

I comment on the obvious when I'm nervous. Like "wow, my fridge is a mess." When really I need to just shut up!

I make deals with my husband so he will help me clean.

Crazy thing is I used to love cleaning and organizing. When did it get to be so unenjoyable and why did I let my self get so far behind? Another world mystery!