Sincerity

I think a little bit of sincerity goes a long way. Lately I've seen so many people just going through the motions and it really bugs me. When did life become so busy that we can't genuinely take interest in people. There are so many people out there that ask you how you are. But how many actually care or take interest. Its hard to find good friends. Even harder when everyone is so busy with their own lives. I guess I do know exactly how this is. I get busy and there are days that when I don't have to leave the house I don't. I sometimes wonder where I would be if I didn't have the few close friends I have managed to hang on to. I guess I'm very dependent on my husband and now that he is so busy with work and school I am about to go mad! Maybe thats why I'm noticing how insincere people are or can be. I probably ready way to much into it. I have a lot more time to think now that the hubby is so busy. I don't know that I could be single for very long or be a single mom. Right now all the kids needs are met by me and its tough. A little alone time goes a long way. Right now I'm working on getting my college stuff in order. Did you know they are enrolling for the spring classes already? WOW! Of course there have been a few hiccups but nothing to bad. I'm working on the financial aid aspect right now. Its being held up because around 15 years ago I took some classes with a friend. They were dual enrollment and they were being offered for free. I was still in high school and not really ready to take them seriously. I wanted to get the credits to graduate early but didn't have to have the classes. I also feel that being in high school and at the age that you aren't taken seriously I was misinformed about a lot of things. Like when you take a class, drop it if you do not intend to stay. Then it does not go on your records as a fail or affect your GPA. No clue..or buying your books...I was a poor high school student. My parents had money but I did not..haha...I didn't even know I had to have books. I mean how retarded was that? But I had never taken college classes and had never been walked through it and honestly I don't think they ever told us. So now that I'm older I know better. Its a learned thing and I'm ready to go, but I have to have to have an appeal for those classes that I didn't finish saying why..Do you think they will listen to the fact that I was a retard?? mmmm, probably not..but its just another step to move forward. I'm ready and will get there sooner or later... My challenge for you today is when you are talking to someone really be there. Take interest in them. You never know what they may be dealing with on the inside. They could be hurting really bad or just need that kick to help their self esteem.

I'm still here

I am still alive.!!! I can give you several reasons why I haven't been blogging, but here are the two most crucial. First off, my computer is in the shop. I've had issues for a while now and finally took it to get fixed. I also have a lap top that works when it wants too. Some times it charges sometimes it doesn't. Its very annoying. So some days I don't have a computer at all. Its strange, but I've noticed how much more I get done when I don't have a computer taking up my time as I sit and surf. Its crazy how fast an hour can go by when you are in surf mode. My second reason is I have writers block something terrible. I don't really have any thing exciting to blog about. My days seem to fly by in a blur but nothing to crazy happening. My hubby has been crazy busy with work and school. He started going to school to for HVAC.(Heating and cooling) So he works all day long and then has classes at night. Most of the time other wise he is spending studying. It will take him a year to get his certificate and then he is going to go for an associates in business I think. He is so smart it blows me away. I hope to have that much success when I get back to it.. My schooling is still a work in progress. I can't start my classes until the spring because of timing. But Its going to happen. Although as time goes by its really easy to talk my self out of going. Its strange how if you don't act right away its easy to lose momentum. I feel that way sometimes. Especially first thing in the morning. Mark, Alec and Blake are doing great. Mark is loving school and doing very well. I fight with Alec on going to school every Monday. The rest of the week he is fine. Blake is still running amuck. He is so funny. Growing so much and saying new words every day. I think my favorite that he says is Salsa. Its too cute. They have all 3 had the crud that comes and goes with the cold and warm weather. 2 days ago I woke up with a tickle in my throat and now I'm feeling kind of blah. Blake also turned 2 on the 20th of the September. Time is just flying by way to quick... I've been doing a lot of deal shopping and price matching on stuff..I make out my list weekly by looking at the sale papers and then I hit Wal-Mart. Its kind of annoying sometimes and seems like a lot of work, but I end up saving like crazy. Its so worth it. I've also realized that when the sale papers are dropped off on my street usually its only half of the street that gets one. Not sure why. So sometimes its my side, some times its the other side and sometimes its no one. I haven't figured out the mystery to that one yet. So yes, I am still here. I do read your posts and sometimes I don't comment but I am reading!!!

Moving Forward

What is it about change that makes us so uncomfortable? Is it moving into the unknown? Being afraid that once we get there we won't like it? I have thought and thought about going back to school. I've not made the decision for so long now because I really don't like changes. I'm happy in my little bubble. I enjoy doing things my way and not having to worry about the added stress of school. The question of going back to school has haunted me for a very long time. I always thought I'd go back. I got very comfortable in my routine with the boys. Not worrying about my future and what I would be doing. I always thought I had a lot of time to do all of this. I've watched my friends around me graduate and move into successful careers.Now I don't find my self unsuccessful (happily married, Mom to 3 boys) there is something missing. I don't feel like I've accomplished what I need to. I'm getting older and sometimes I think about what I would ever do if anything ever happened to my husband. How would I raise these 3 boys?? Thats something I never, never want to worry about but its a smart thing to consider. Also what happens to me when my boys are grown and out of the house? Who will I be then? I will always be their mom, but one day they won't need me. (as much:) ) So I've taken a few steps into moving forward. I've done a lot of research on going back to school. I've done my financial aid and the biggest most scary step....I took my compass test!!!! I think the scariest thing for me was that darn test!!! I was so scared to take it, its really held me back a lot of the time I've spent putting going back to school off. I got a 91 on my reading. An 81 on my writing. Math I didn't do so hot on. I'm going to retest on it once I study a bit more. I think I can test higher, at least I hope so. Realistically I'm at the point that if I don't test higher then I really do need to take it over again so I can do well on future math classes. I probably won't get going until the Spring semester but I'm really excited to be this far. I'm just proud of my self and for the first time in a very long time I feel intelligent again. I can be a mom and go back to school, all the while having the best of both worlds!

School is grand!

I have to tell you these past few weeks of school have been great! I love how caring everyone is and its a great feeling. The first week of school Mark fell and hit his head on one of the bars in the playground. The principal called me herself to let me know what happened. She said I could come in and check on him if I wanted to. It was really nice, and of course I went;-)

This last week Mark bonked heads with one of his class mates on the play ground and I got another call to let me know what happened. He was fine! When I went to get him he had a sticker on his shirt that said "I hit my head, please keep and eye on me." I also told Mark that we needed to change his name from Mark to Konk...;-)
This is a new school to Mark this year and I have been worried that Mark would have a hard time making new friends. Kids these days are just different. They don't seem as out going. So I sent his teacher and email letting her know that I was worried about that. She told me she moves them around in class a lot. That she would make sure he was meeting new friends. The next day the principal called me to let me know Mark's teacher had told her that I was a little worried. (Mark had been saying he missed his friends at Manzanita and wanted to go back) She went to Mark's class room and spent some time with Mark getting to know him. She told me what a nice young man he is and that they would make sure he was making friends. I was so impressed I can not even tell you how good that made me feel. I really appreciated the effort and kindness that I have been shown.
The school year is off to a great start!

Did I speak or think to fast?

Some times I have to wonder if the joke is on me. Seriously, you all remember the last bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep at my house. Well things have been going good. We are ready for school to start. I've been doing my own research on going back to school. Things have been busy but I feel like I have my groove back a lil. Then Wham!?! I am talking to my hubbies other niece Cara. She is the sister to Bleep, who just moved out! She has been staying with her Grandpa for the past few years. She has been with Brandon's mom forever and ever. Until Brandon's estranged sister got out of jail and started inhabiting her home. Until his nephew got in trouble and got kicked out of his place with Brandon's other sister.
So Cara moves in with her Grandpa so she can get away from the drama at
her Grandma's. His health isn't the greatest but he has managed to take care of her and has enjoyed her being there for him. Recently he was admitted to the hospital 3rd time in the last 2weeks. He needs 24 hour care and is going to the Gardens. Sooooo, I get a call from Cara saying Her and Grandma want to come meet with us. Cara wants to know if she can move in with us. WHAT?!? Did they forget that I just had a nightmare move out of my house? I told them we would think about it. I don't want to make any quick decisions. That is what happened last time.

This niece is totally different than her sister but I just don't know. I'm angry with Brandon's mom for not trying to do things different and putting up with the things she puts up with. I know she isn't even happy in her own home. There are always people in and out and its just a bunch of bologna what she allows to go on. Brandon's niece just started 9th grade. She is a good girl a little needy, but a good girl. She and Trenton don't know who their dad is. With everything they have been through I think she is the one that is going to do well in life and stays out of trouble etc.
I feel bad because I don't want her to feel like she isn't wanted. But what about my family? We suffer to..rrrrrr!

New school year

Well the count down is on. We start school on Monday. I went to meet the teacher yesterday. I felt so out of place and awkward. I really hope that feeling goes away. Mark and Alec are both really excited. I don't know why I let it bother me so much but I do. I want my kids to be in the best place possible. I wanted them to go to the charter school so bad and now I'm scared and really missing the other school. We have been so blessed that they have been accepted so I don't want to seem ungrateful. I'm just nervous. I want them to make friends and be happy.
I did come to the conclusion last night that this has nothing to do with them and everything to do with me. They will do great. They will be happy where ever they are. Friendship didn't come easy to me in school. I don't know what made me so different but Jr. High was a nightmare. I'm so glad its over and that I don't have to do it again. In my head last night I was thinking that this was 19+ years ago and I'm still thinking about it?? The people that made me unhappy are spread all over the world and dealing with who knows what. I had a good cry and a good pray and feel like I was able to let it go. Now I just need to work on being more personable. Not let the fear of being alone get to me.

Ding dong the witch is gone!!

Ok so here is my last post on this subject. She is now gone and it is time to let it go. My niece moved all of her stuff out two Saturdays ago. All but her little dog. She said she would come Tuesday to get her but didn't. Understandably she wanted to vaccinate her before taking her to her new home. Tuesday came and I didn't hear from her until around 3pm. She wanted me to take her to cash her boyfriends check that he had signed over to her. She doesn't have her own account and I guess they needed the cash pronto. Now I don't know what time his job hands out checks but like everything else she waited until the last minute to ask me. He was already at work. He started at 3pm. I told her I would call my bank and ask if they would cash it but I had my suspisions that they wouldn't. I was right. So I let her know and she was annoyed like any other day.
Let me back up to Friday..She called Friday night as 9:45. Hubby and I were going to Laughlin to meet up with my sis and her husband last minute. I told my niece that we were leaving and she asked if I could leave the door unlocked. UMMM, NO!! She said she HAD to get over here that night and get everything ready to go for the next day..move some boxes around and throw out some trash. She said it was the only time she had as they were coming to get her stuff the next morning. Besides she wanted to see her dog that she hadn't seen in a few days.

I did end up letting her come to finish up her organizing and packing. I decided that I wanted to get her out and didn't want to leave her with any reason not to get her stuff. She said she would be here Saturday morning.

Saturday afternoon they finally show up. With out friends to help them move..they waited an hour for some people to show up. They had it all moved out side and packed up and left. No good bye, thank you, kiss my booty nothing. I didn't hear from her until the following Saturday when she came to pick up her dog. We were at the grocery store and she called. I didn't answer because I didn't recognize the number. 3 calls later and she called Brandon. She said they were ALREADY at our house and wanted the doggie. Brandon told her we were at the store and it would probably be an hour before we got home. She gave the same old song and dance about how this was the ONLY time they could come and get her and that they were already here. Brandon told her he understood that but she needed to call before coming over. She got huffy and hung up on him calling me back right away. Asking if it was really going to be an hour...No it probably wasn't but geez, I am so tired of putting my life on hold for her. I ended up checking out and forgetting half of what I needed at the store. She got her dog, dish and some food. Good bye right..Nope!!

This Tuesday she picked up her 9.00 check from work. She came by my house at 6pm wanting to know if I could take her to cash her check...Well NO because they are already closed. I think she was hoping I'd just give her the cash. RRRRR!!!

So yesterday she called and of course I didn't answer. She left a message again about cashing her check and doing some laundry. What the F! SERIOUSLY...I ONLY see her when she wants some thing and she wanted to move out to be a big girl but still wants all the perks of living here?? Any time she ever did anything for me like watching the kids her boyfriend HAD to be here and I always owed her something.

I don't mind helping her out, but she told me she didn't want help all the times she said she had NO reason to be home. I never know if what she says is the truth or a lie and I'm tired of it. She went to the ER for a UTI and the bill got sent to her GPa in her dads name. They only did a urine test and a pregnancy test and it cost 1033.00. I told her about the bill and she said oh well my dad can take care of it. Its in his name and its responsibility....WOW..
She also got fired from her job because she was a no call no show. She was moving that day and her boyfriend fell into some glass. So they went to the ER. Now when I asked her if she worked she said she FORGOT. Now she says she was at the ER the whole time and tried calling for hours on end. That when she finally reached someone it was after her shift and she hadn't called since then because she doesn't have a phone any more. They've moved and she hasn't had access to a phone. Well she certainly doesn't have a problem finding a phone to call me when she needs something. So she showed up all ready to work and he was like UMM, you don't work here anymore. So of course that was his fault and she gave him a piece of her mind. Ahhhh!!! RRRRRRR...Deep breath and let it go..Hopefully this is done now.

**Disclaimer**
*Now I do sound mean and heartless but I really do love her and wish her well and right now I'm angry..But I'm just beyond burnt with the whole situation*

Something new

Both of my boys have been accepted into the Charter School in our area.  I'm happy, excited, nervous and concerned.  When I originally applied and Mark didn't get in, I was heart broken.  After a few years at our other school I really got over it and got quite attached. When Alec got in I was excited and nervous all over again. I was worried because after Alec got in Mark's chances would increase a lot.  But I really thought he would not get in and I would have a year to decide if it was really what I wanted or not.  A chance to feel out the school and try things. What did I have to lose? So a few weeks later I got a call saying Mark had been accepted. Of course I got all worried and concerned. Why is it that when we think we want something so bad and then we get it, we are apprehensive? I remember being sooo heartbroken when Mark wasn't accepted. So why am I worried now?  I know that I don't want him to attend the JR High school here.  Things have gotten bad and the charter school seems to have a pretty good handle on it. So I have a few weeks to decide.  Mark wants to try it out.  I just want to make sure he gets the best education. I loved his teacher last year and was looking forward to another year.
I guess time will tell and we shall see!

She's moving

Well we talked to my niece last  night and she is on her way out.  We felt we had to give her a deadline as far as when to be  out...Other wise she would have kept her things comfortably in my spare bedroom.  She has a week to get her things out.  I felt really bad about this last night, but she hasn't been home at all..She came yesterday with her boyfriend and his sisters to sort through some old clothes and we talked to her. After that she left.  So I guess I can not feel bad about asking her take her belongings as well.  I'm sad, but I think this is the only way.  This is what SHE wants so freedom she shall have.  We do not matter to her right now and this is the only way to salvage the relationship at all.  I hope the 2 months she has been with her boyfriend are enough to get her through a life time of happiness..

I can not put her ahead of my family anymore.  This has gone on for to long and she doesn't care. So I wish her the best and look forward to getting my home back and on the right track.

Mean and Nasty the saga continues

The teen drama continues.  Mainly disrespect and attitude. I've gotten to the point very quickly where I don't care.  I LOVE my niece but she has proven that she is going to do what she wants to anyways. We go round and round with her. She doesn't like us to say anything to her at all.  She stays gone all day long..Comes home to sleep and gets up early the next morning to head to her boyfriends. Her job is upset with her because he hangs out there.  They have cut her hours back to one day a week.  They called her in today and I let her know..she never responded. Her boyfriend thinks I should be ok with her staying the night and that she should be able to stay out as late as she wants. She worships the ground he walks on.


I had been holding this all in.  It has really been weighing heavy on my heart.  So I decided to give her father a call and let him know what was going on..With everything.  I had asked him what he thought about letting her go out on her own since that is what she really wants. I told him about her boyfriends age. That had really been weighing heavy on my heart. She didn't want him to know but I wasn't going to Lie for her either.  He took it surprisingly well...and I felt such a huge relief off of my shoulders. He said he would think about it and get back with me.  In the mean time our niece decided she was not going to come home one night. I text her several times. Her curfew is 11pm.  Finally at 12:30 she calls and said she "accidentally" fell asleep. I told her she needed to get home and no response.  The next morning they showed up and were gone before anyone was up. Of course she would have gotten an ear full from me. So I let her dad know about all of that and he said I had his blessing to let her go.  That if she wanted to be emancipated and live on her own she had his blessing.  I think the only way she will ever learn is by going to The School of hard Knocks. I told her she was not allowed to stay at her boyfriends and the snotty response I got from her was that we were going to treat her like an adult by making her pay for her own things but it wasn't ok for her to stay at her boyfriends even if it was an accident. She said she was not going to walk home alone at 12:30am..Its so funny because any other time she most definitely would have and I would have picked her up.

I have tried to be supportive and loving and the only place it has gotten me is used.  Before I knew it I was buying him food at Taco Bell and taking him to work. Going to get a coffee and ending up getting them one. All they know how to do is use other people and I'm done. He is 22 live with his Grandma and has nothing to show for him self.  He has been suspended from work twice already.  She failed one of her summer school classes because it was to hard. She won't go anywhere with out him.  She was invited to go see her dad for a week and didn't want to be away from her BF for that long.  She said he had a "BAD" feeling that something would happen and her dad would make her stay. She had burnt bridges with every one. Even her own little sister. She went through her clothes and I asked if she was going to give them to her little sis.  She said she was going to let his sisters pick through them and then give the rest to her...Wow..

I could go on and on..But right now she is trying to get her stuff together so she can get moved out. We told her as long as she is here she has rules but now we are thinking we need to get her to move sooner.  She hasn't been home the last 3 nights and we don't want to deal with the stress anymore. I worry when she isn't here and I can't sleep. I love her but I have to let her go so I can focus on my family. I know at one time we were all teens and said mean things..but even I had my limits.

Mean and Nasty quotes:
 They are just mad she is gone because they want her there to clean house and take care of the kids.
Ummm, no I don't ask for her help...

Her dog pooped in one of the boys rooms...she said to Mark.."Well I'm going to tell you what everyone else tells me, keep your stuff put up or your door closed."

She insists on leaving her door unlocked. Blake goes in there if it isn't locked.  She said she shouldn't have to keep her stuff put up because its her room.  Hello you live with 3 little boys..If I don't keep mystuff put up it gets messed up.

I don't have any reason to be home.  I told her she isn't ever home and she gets a lot of freedom.  She said that wasn't reason enough.

I told her to respect her boss. She said she isn't a kiss a**

Where have I been??

Sorry I keep coming up MIA.  My home computer has decided to work when it wants to so I have to borrow my hubby's when I can.  He uses it for work and its hard to sneak away. It seems most days he doesn't have to be on it until I need it..but thats ok.  I have been getting a lot more done around the house and not getting on facebook as much.  Lately Facebook seems sort of blah to me anyways.  Some days I get crabby and don't want to see the mindless jokes or the over posters who POST everything.  There are days when I don't have much to say so I don't.  I try to post good and positive things that will hopefully affect me like they do others.

So where have I been ...well I've been swimming a  lot lately and I'm excited about that.  Normally I don't enjoy doing those sort of things because its hard work.  Packing everyone up, making sure we don't forget anything. Getting so dirty I can't stand it...but lately I seem to be over that and have enjoyed it.  Our friends Larry and Kat live in Mohave Valley so we go down to either the river with them or to their home owners association pool.  Its been great.  They are children people so I get to enjoy my self not chasing the kids the entire time.  Which in that respect the kids have LOVED going and have been SO good.  We have a great cove we go to off of the river and its just perfect.

I applied for financial aid and am thinking about going to cosmetology school. I have wanted to go forever and ever and have really been feeling down on myself that I didn't have a career.  My hubby brought me a pamphlet from All Beauty College in Bullhead City and we started talking about it a lot more. So I decided to apply and see where I get. Now I just have to figure out rides and daycare for my kiddos and I think its a go.  If I start August  I will be done in July of next year.  I'm excited, nervous and really hoping it works out.
It isn't set in stone yet, but something is going to happen very soon!

Love your kids when they are little!

Hopefully all the love a good morals you drown them with will pay off and help you through the teen years. I wonder some times what kind of person I would have been with out the love of such good parents. I see the troubled teens of today and it really scares me. Girls are learning junk younger and younger and it is really scary. I think the good parents are the untrusting parents.  Check and double check..If its think able they are doing it. our good kids are learning from the bad ones and its scary!

Mean and nasties

I figured for your viewing pleasure that I would start posting some of the "Awesome" things that my niece has said to us since she moved in.  Right now she doesn't feel that she should have any rules or regulations.  Last night I told her that we give her a lot of freedom and she needs to respect our curfew times.  During the week she has to be home by 10pm and on weekends its 11pm.  I think that is fair considering during the day she is pretty much permitted to do as she pleases. 

So since we have implemented the curfew she has all but broken the rules.  At first she would come home at 10, but stay outside for 2 hours visiting with her boyfriend.  So we changed it to where she needs to be in the house by this time. OK so she was in the house but her boyfriend would be here for 2 hours with her.  So once again we changed the rule.  She comes in he goes home..Done end of story...So last night I was telling her about all of her freedom and how as it is she is never home. She tells me that she doesn't feel like she needs to be home since she is going to summer school and working etc.  She said "This sounds bad but, I don't have any reason to be home."  Wow..Really? your boyfriend is that much more important to you than your family...Just tear my heart out now...and PS if any  of your family ever comes to you asking if your 16 year old niece can come stay with you..RUN! Don't do it, its not worth it and it will cause nothing but heartache. I know as a teenager I wasn't perfect but I would never have said anything so mean and hurtful.
The saga shall continue...

Sometimes I'm a cry baby

Today was preschool graduation.  I'm such a cry baby.  I teared up during and after. I cried some more after and when I had to say good bye.  I can't help but be sad. I will really miss our preschool teacher. Granted good things are coming for her. Saying good bye just stinks!
I try to be strong and I just can't.  Its so frustrating.  I don't like being such an over emotional ball of gook. I feel embarrased and I hold back as long as I can.  So frustrating. I took pictures so we would have some wonderful memories. The little class room, all the fun stuff..Sigh..
Graduation was super cute and I was reminded of why Cambrea was such a good teacher and a wonderful person. I better go, I can feel my tears welling up again and I have a headache brewing. I will post pictures soon.

summer is almost here

School is almost out.  I am excited and ready for the break with my kids.  Except I start to feel this overwhelming sense of sadness as the year comes to an end.  I adore our teachers and next year will be new beginnings.  Our wonderful preschool teacher will be gone after this next weekend. She is moving to Utah, her husband got a wonderful job there. Her family is also there. I'm so happy for her but I can't help but be sad.  She was Mark's first teacher and Alec had her this year.  I had plans for Blake to have her as well.  She has been so good to my boys and they have learned so much. We found out a few Mondays ago she was leaving and right after that on Wednesday I got a letter from the academy saying Alec had been accepted.  I would have totally left him with her for another year.  I also would have lost my golden chance on him attending the academy.  Which I'm still not sure about. Mark has had such wonderful experiences at his school it makes it hard for me to pull him out and not send Alec there.

Mark's teacher has been wonderful. She is so kind and caring. One of those rarities anymore. She communicates with me and doesn't mind that I want to be involved.  Next year brings a new teacher and its always hard to say good bye.  I think I'm more upset than the kids.  When did I become so attached? So sentimental? Such a looney toon?
Its sad to think about.  Exciting for the kids but sad for me.  Here we go into the summer!

More thoughts

Did I ever mention I was 16 when I met Brandon? Kind of strange but it happened.  I know he hated that I was so young. He was 21.  He didn't like to take me anywhere because of my age. I guess now that I'm older I can agree. When he turned 22 I turned 17 nine days later.  It still wasn't great, but it was a tad bit better...Once he turned 23 and I turned 18 it wasn't that bad at all.  Two weeks after I graduated we were married. My dad had been working out of North Carolina and was only supposed to be visiting for my graduation.  So we planned the wedding around his trip here etc. He ended up moving back to Kingman so it all worked out anyways.  I'm not sure we would have waited given the situation....Now I'm 30 and he is 35 the ages are just a number that don't really matter..

So now my 16 year old niece is interested in a 22 year old guy..She will be 17 in September...Guess what, I HATE it..I mean he seems like a nice guy..but he is 22.  What interest does a 22 year old boy have in a 16 year old girl?! Then I think back to my situation and I remember how in Love I was...But things were so different then.  I was different, Brandon was different..He was so respectful of me...The joys of parenthood....
I keep telling her that every decision she makes has a consequence..I hope if I keep beating this into her head she will think about it..The sad thing is that this girl has seen more in her life than anyone at her age should ever have to.  Starting from the time she was a baby..Its just not cool...So here I sit pondering the situation and hoping she will think about all the things I have told her.

Torn

I'm not sure what to think...I got news on Monday that Alec's preschool teach Ms. Cami is not teaching preschool next year.(She is moving to Utah)   She has been wonderful. She takes 6 kids at a time and he would go on Monday and Wednesday from 9-12.  So the schedule has been great.  I was really looking forward to her teaching him again next year.  He won't get to go into Kindergarten for another year because of his b-day.  So I finally started thinking that I would be ok with him maybe staying home with me and working on some sort of a curriculum for him. Then today I get a letter from the Academy saying he had been accepted there for preschool.  Now I'm so torn.  I absolutely LOVE Mark's school.  Granted he hasn't gotten in yet either but I don't know what I want now.  I haven't come to terms with the situation yet. I had pretty much figured they were not going to get in.
If I let Alec stay in preschool he would go for Kindergarten the following year...If I don't he will lose his spot. I'm not sure what to do. I know he needs preschool no matter what. But I'm also not sure if I want to move Mark if he gets accepted.  His teacher this year has been a blessing. So wonderful and he has learned so much.
There are so many pros and cons.  I love the idea of a 4 day school week. I guess I have the next year to think it over...I have no idea now..

Scary Truths continued...

We've been married for almost 12 years.  Things are really good but we have had our ups and downs.  The most memorable bad down was when we were married for 3 years. See I got married 2 weeks out of high school. 18 and Brandon was 23.  Things were great and I could not imagine being anywhere else. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.  That there were so many people out there and I had not experienced anything!!  I turned 21 I wanted to go out and party and meet people. Things at home were rough.  I cheated on my husband with someone else. Who I will leave un-named. We seperated and I met someone else who I thought was everything he was not. He was attractive and charming. We hit it off for a while. I was still married and that really bothered him. (for good reason) His ex girlfriend came back to town and he picked her over me.  We tried the friend thing for awhile but he was with her and if fizzled for us. He married her the next year.


So at rock bottom I decided that I wanted my hubby back.I have never wanted anything more in my whole life.   We were in works and he met someone. Wait a minute..That happens? She was charming and flirty..would call him to say good night and he wanted to get to know her. I felt helpless as he explained that he didn't want to be with me anymore. I bugged him and bugged him. Eventually he broke up with her to fix things with me. I had in the beginning filed for divorce and wanted to cancel it but he didn't. He dumped me and went back to her.  He was still curious about her.  I had gone all out for him one night made dinner, done the romantic roses petal thing, and cleaned the whole entire house.  She called him when I was with him. He had been talking to him and asked if he could talk he said no..I knew who it was.  It made me sick..but it was me and what I had wanted.  I bugged him and bugged him and eventually we got back together.  He finally told her that we were going to try and work it out. For 6 months or so he told me he didn't think he wanted to be together anymore. It was tough but I tried to endure it I didn't want to split. We had cancled the divorce but he was still unsure. 


It was kind of weird but one day it just went away.  We were both happy again and things were good. A year later we got pregnant with Mark and he was born in 2004. I lost a dear friend through the whole ordeal.  She didn't agree with my behavior and although we are friends today things have never been the same.  Its taken me a long time to get over what I did.  Brandon forgave me and I know he meant it.  Could I forgive the same? I don't know, but he has a good heart and we are strong as ever!!


I know this is really deep and personal, but I feel like this had defined me as a person..Feel free to ask any questions and please read with an open mind.

Question

So I was sitting here thinking...Would you marry someone who you had been dating a few days? You are sitting around bored and someone says "I have an idea, lets go to Las Vegas and get married." By the way you are 19 and 20 years old.  One of you is working, the other is not.


That is EXACTLY what my 19  year old nephew did this weekend. He went to Vegas and got hitched. Who was there? His mom, her boyfriend and their friend.  WHAT!? I mean seriously, what are the odds these two will make it? I mean the romantic in me says Yeah they will (or could) make it. Then the realist in me says there is NO way..I mean they aren't even in LOVE...I think pretty much every thing else  you can work around..But with out love what is there? What about that point in your relationship you realize that the lust is gone and you actually have to work it out..You have to be friends and NOT run to the next best thing when it comes around.
Wow, wow, wow!
So I'd love to hear what you all think..I'm still floored! Make sure you answer on my poll and I'd love to hear thoughts!

Life's changes and why I read porn

Wow has my life been crazy busy lately. 2 weeks ago this Sunday my 16 year old niece came to stay with us.
It has been an adjusment but seems to be going good.  The boys love having here.  I don't know which way is up and down though lately. I hope that once we get into a good routine it will be OK.  I never thought that she would come to live with us.  We had to clean out our spare bedroom which I think has been a blessing is disguise .  I've gone through and gotten rid of lots and lots of papers and junk just sitting in there waiting to be thrown away..I don't know what it is but sometimes I can't bare to get rid of some thing and then the next time I look at this I think Why did I keep this. 

I'm also trying to figure out how the teenage mind works.  Its so creepy how things are these days and just how different kids are.  When I was in school I know things weren't good.  But now they are just down right bad.  I keep trying to explain to my niece that the guys that are innocent are the ones she needs to be around. I can't understand for the life of me why she would want to be someones throw away. I guess if they aren't bad boys they aren't appealing..Wow oh wow...Its funny because I can look back at being her age and wonder if I was the same. 

Lately I've been reading up on Porn for women..I thought you might be interested.  Here are some of the images. I've become slightly addicted.  I'm a little embarrassed to share this.

Do you ever

Do you ever go through days where you feel like you don't really have anything to blog about?  That is the mode I'm in right now.  Lately just seems like the normal stuff.  I mean today I did dig up a dead rose bush and rake some leaves.  The boys are running around enjoying their spring break.  I thought that this weekend we would go to California, but the weather has changed some and I think its to cold to go to the beach.  I also didn't feel all that great about being on the beach and the possibility of getting sucked up by a Tsunami.
(insert bad humor) My heart really goes out to those in Japan.  I can not even imagine what they are going through. 

We did get our taxes done.  Glad we are done with that for another year..Right now I'm just really in mom mode.  We have been going bike riding with the kids.  We bought a cute bike trailer that hubs attaches to his bike.  Haha!! We strap in Alec and Blake and Mark rides his bike.  Alec is still on training wheels and would have a harder time keeping up.  Its been a lot of fun.  I've really been enjoying it.  I missed going for bike rides.  Growing up I was always riding my bike. So much fun.

I've been spring cleaning like crazy trying to get the kids clothes sorted through and outta the house.  I am always burried under in laundry and I have 6 baskets of clean laundry (atleast) to put away..Maybe that is where I should be focusing right know:)

Blake broke my camera, so I haven't even been taking as many pictures lately.
All the boys had ear infections.  Which is strange for them to all have it..I guess maybe just passing the bacteria around.  A few weeks ago we all went to the Dr every few days or so. Hopefully now that its warming up it will stay gone and away.

Did you all see where route 1 in California collapsed?  Google it the pictures are insane..A 100ft stretch just collapsed..Due to erosion..

So the laundry pile awaits me! Hope you all are enjoying your spring! I know I am!!

Just a regular day in the neighborhood

Wow, today is so beautiful outside.  I've gotten my car washed, cleaned out..(its nice to be able to see the kids) cleaned on some of the garage..Its been a good day!
Here are some random cute photos:)

Just hanging out watching tv in his gear!

This looks like a good place for a nap

The schwans man gave me an ice cream and MAN it was good!!

Where have I been?

I've had a busy couple of weeks! I threw one of my girlfriends a surprise 30th  birthday party.  It was a lot of fun, but oh so much work.

I had been planning this for awhile.  I'd say since back in December.  I wanted to blog about it so bad but didn't want to ruin the surprise for her just in case she reads..Don't think she does, but you never know:)
I had to talk to her husband and the only way I could do that was to stop by his football practice and get his ok.  He was excited as he wanted to do something special for her.  I talked with her mother in law and a few friends here and there.
So I started out asking her hubby who she was the closest with.  His answer..well you mainly..Great!! So I started to plow through all her friends on facebook.  Got a lot of addresses and made a cute invite.  Got the invites out and the rest was pretty easy.
Cleaning the house was a challenge.  Always is with 3 boys.  I think I have realized that I will never be Martha Stewart.  I'm to unorganized for that.  Hopefully things will get better as I am still working on it. I used to be more organized but having kids really took that away.
So Friday we went out to dinner.  We were going to go to Chilis..but they were PACKED.  So we ended up at IHOP.  Word of advice..don't ever get the milkshake there..3.99 for a regular drink sized chocolate syrup and icecream shake.  To top it off the waitress acted offended when we mentioned that was a lot for such a small shake.

She will love this one:)

Some of the cute decor I made.  Haven't taken it down yet!

So we enjoyed our small shake and ended up coming to my house.  I told her I painted my kitchen and wanted her opinion.  As soon as we walked in got this loud Surprise!! For her..she was so shocked and didn't know what to say.  I had made Chili and we had appetizers and it was really great:)

my new blog

I started up another blog..I hope you will check it out.  It has to do with my journey to finding the right path and having a relationship with God.  I hope you will check it out.  I can not stand the thought of my friends not making it into heaven and living eternity in the lake of fire.  I myself am learning and know its going to be a long road.  Part of me is sort of embarrassed to even be blogging about it at all.  But this is who I am and what I believe and maybe I can help someone who is struggling just like I am. Trying to find truth and answers.  So please check it out and become a follower.  I promise to only post truth and what I am going through:)
Here is the link...http://jenniferssavinggrace.blogspot.com

Dreams....

What are your dreams?  Or like me do you feel like some where out of the blue you stopped dreaming?   My husband asked me the other day to write down my goals and dreams..Really not sure what to write.  Of course there is always the want and need to be healthy. To have healthy happy successful children.  But what about me?  Not to sure I know anymore.  Day to day stuff has me wondering..
Have any of you lost your dreams? No where to be found and you want them back?

Justice, eh I think not

You remember the story of my hit and run victims the other day right? Well if not you can see it here.  Last night I left Wal-Mart and I saw a green car that looked so similar to the one that took off on Monday night.  So I decided to follow and see if it was in fact the car.  The way he flew through the parking lot made me more than suspicious.  So I pull out of Wal-Mart on to Airway I see the car flying down the road.Basically all I want to do is drive by and get the license plate number and see if I can see a dent on his front bumper. Well apparently that was not in the cards.  I watch as the car turns on to Willow and look in my rear view mirror..There is a lovely police car following me! I knew before he even turned on his lights I was BUSTED. So I get ready to turn off and prepare to pull over as he turns his lights on.  He walks up to the car and asks me if I know why he pulled me over. I said I know exactly why you pulled me over, but can I tell you why.  He said ok..I'm sure guessing that I had some wild story to tell him.  I really did! So I tell him what happened and he asks me the typical questions...Like when did this happen, What kind of car was it, where did it happen..Clearly not believing me. So a few minutes later he walks back up to my car and hands me my warning to sign.  Tells me next time to call them and let them handle it. That if I approach him, he could come after me.  What?! I was not about to approach him! I just wanted to get his plate number..So trying to be a good citizen didn't really pay off and those people who got hit didn't get one ounce of Justice. I swear sometimes  I am way too nice. I ended up feeling like an idiot, Mr. Police officer totally didn't believe me and the zippy little green car got away! Thankfully I didn't get a ticket he was nice in that aspect..but still I was super Mad!

The boys

I told Mark to be careful last night.  I bought him one of those ginourmous pencils from the dollar store and I told him to be careful because he could hurt himself.  He likes to carry his things around. Alec pipes in and says, "Ya Mark you could kill your life." Although not funny the way he said it was really cute.  I just love these guys. They are great!

You can run, but you can not hide

The day before yesterday I had done some grocery shopping at the new Safeway.  I was supposed to be at the gym, but wasn't really in the mood.   I got every one and every thing loaded in the car. We left and I pulled out on to Stockton hill Rd.  I was at the traffic light getting ready to make a Left on to Gordon.  One car in front of me.  The cars crossing Gordon had the light.  As I'm sitting there watching everyone go by I see a white truck go through the light and a Teal green car turning Left on to Stockton run into each other.  This was totally the Green car's fault.  Had he been paying attention and let the truck go.  Who had the right away he would not have run into him.  So the white truck backs up to get out of the way, as does the green car. Neither had cars behind them. My arrow comes and I turn on to Gordon.  The green car backs up to Circle K like he is getting out of the way and turns around and takes off! In the mean time I had turned around because I thought he had taken off.  I see the white truck who got him pull into Safeway and I stopped and asked them if he took off.  They said Yup, he sure did.  I felt so bad for these people.  They were super nice and not really to concerned over the damage. Basically it just bent their front bumper a little and left some of his paint. 

Its funny because in a town like Phoenix you might actually get away with this.  But Geez, this is Kingman.  They will find him.  I'm not sure what kind of car he had, but it was one of those cars you don't see every day. Not your basic white car that we see all over. So its sad.  No one was hurt but I can not believe that he ran. I fear for other drivers out there and wish I would have gotten his license plate number.. What a jerk, some people should not be able to drive!

Of no importance

This is a silly post and really has no relevance what so ever..Just a funny post.

It annoys the heck out of me how Women throw themselves at celebrities.  I know it doesn't affect my life what so ever.  But it really urks me, because if I wasn't happily married and met a nice celebrity..(HA HA, I can't even type that with out Chuckling) These women would have ruined it for me and all of us.  Why oh why would you degrade yourself so you could just be a random hook up for them.  Make them respect women more.
I don't know if they are so desperate to be popular themselves or huge gold diggers.  I just don't get it. I don't know it just makes us all look so desperate and makes them think they can do what they want and cheat on their significant others if they have one.  Oh well..Its funny to think about and really doesn't matter.  Just an annoyance:)

Accountability check...

 I decided to check with you all and see how those fresh New Years resolutions are going. I am still going pretty good. I've been hitting the gym pretty regularly.  I'm kind of sore today in fact.  My usual gym buddy is going to another gym now:( So I have to brave it alone.  I downloaded a ton of music to listen to while I work out and it seemed to go pretty fast.  I like to go and do the classes but I know that I have to keep mixing it up.  Last night I went to just work out.  It went good.  Blake didn't want to be in the daycare and about an hour in they came and got me.  But I did get in a decent work out.

I am still working on de-cluttering and organizing my life.  This step is going to take a while.  I just have to keep going and It will all come together. I've got a lot of stuff that just sits and really its making me crazy.  So instead of spending time surfing the computer I have been trying to take care of all of that.  I can not even tell you how many load of Laundry I've done.  We just have WAY to many clothes. Mostly kids clothes.  After washing all of these clothes I've seen some I haven't even seen in a while.  I could probably go a month and the kids would still have clothes to wear..So I'm sorting. I just can't stand it.

Still working on my temper and staying patient with the kiddos.  Its tough but I do have to remember they are JUST kids.  I'm ready for the weekend!! First week back after a break is always tough.  Kids are doing great though!!

Oh and I am blogging..thats a big one:)

Are you all still keeping up with your resolutions?

Wow, my 100th post...2011

Wow have I been a bad blogger! Its crazy how much has happened since my last blog....My hubs birthday, mine, Christmas and now New years! The boys have been out of school for the past two weeks and I have LOVED every minute of it.  Its been nice to not HAVE to be anywhere and spend time with the family.
Seems I haven't really had any time to sit still at all. 


I really can not believe that another year has come and gone.  2011..Really? Wow..I don't think I ever thought this far into the future when I was young.  I do have some resolutions...while I do this periodically through the year anyways..I do still want to work on a few things. 

1. I want to work on being a better blogger! Ya I know what your thinking...No she wont...lol..I feel like I am running around in circles most days.  I sometimes can't get my head on straight..I hope to gradually become more organized.  I think that it will happen, but its just going to take time.  I partially organized one of my storage closets today.  Hopefully a little bit at a time.  Before I had kids I was so much more organized. I had every thing how I wanted it.  Now mostly its put away to keep the kids out of it. Hubs likes to put stuff "up" to keep the kids out of it and eventually it causes a bigger mess...The little one of mine is into every thing. He is a climber...

2. I want to keep going to the gym and go a little more regularly.  I think one of my goals was fittest in my life by 30..I'm thinking if the stores ever stop selling sweets, Starbucks, and junk I will get there.  I just gotta keep pushing on.  Last time I checked my body fat I had lost 1.2% and was pretty proud of that number.  But some days I just drag.

3.More home cooked meals.  I can not even begin to tell you how much easier it is to swing by taco bell in the evenings and get a yummy chicken burrito. Amidst the chaos its so much easier to eat out..but then again it doesn't help out #2 either if I keep it up...

4. I want to learn to relax a little bit more..This is just one thing I think I am totally incapable of.  I constantly worry about every thing. There is sooo much to worry about I just need to learn to ditch it all and chill..

5. Finally (oh and believe me I could go on, but will spare you) I need to work on my temper a little and not to get uptight because I do get that way. There is no need and I am thinking that certain things just are what they are..and thats it...

Happy New year 2011....What are some of your resolutions?