Torn

I'm not sure what to think...I got news on Monday that Alec's preschool teach Ms. Cami is not teaching preschool next year.(She is moving to Utah)   She has been wonderful. She takes 6 kids at a time and he would go on Monday and Wednesday from 9-12.  So the schedule has been great.  I was really looking forward to her teaching him again next year.  He won't get to go into Kindergarten for another year because of his b-day.  So I finally started thinking that I would be ok with him maybe staying home with me and working on some sort of a curriculum for him. Then today I get a letter from the Academy saying he had been accepted there for preschool.  Now I'm so torn.  I absolutely LOVE Mark's school.  Granted he hasn't gotten in yet either but I don't know what I want now.  I haven't come to terms with the situation yet. I had pretty much figured they were not going to get in.
If I let Alec stay in preschool he would go for Kindergarten the following year...If I don't he will lose his spot. I'm not sure what to do. I know he needs preschool no matter what. But I'm also not sure if I want to move Mark if he gets accepted.  His teacher this year has been a blessing. So wonderful and he has learned so much.
There are so many pros and cons.  I love the idea of a 4 day school week. I guess I have the next year to think it over...I have no idea now..

Scary Truths continued...

We've been married for almost 12 years.  Things are really good but we have had our ups and downs.  The most memorable bad down was when we were married for 3 years. See I got married 2 weeks out of high school. 18 and Brandon was 23.  Things were great and I could not imagine being anywhere else. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.  That there were so many people out there and I had not experienced anything!!  I turned 21 I wanted to go out and party and meet people. Things at home were rough.  I cheated on my husband with someone else. Who I will leave un-named. We seperated and I met someone else who I thought was everything he was not. He was attractive and charming. We hit it off for a while. I was still married and that really bothered him. (for good reason) His ex girlfriend came back to town and he picked her over me.  We tried the friend thing for awhile but he was with her and if fizzled for us. He married her the next year.


So at rock bottom I decided that I wanted my hubby back.I have never wanted anything more in my whole life.   We were in works and he met someone. Wait a minute..That happens? She was charming and flirty..would call him to say good night and he wanted to get to know her. I felt helpless as he explained that he didn't want to be with me anymore. I bugged him and bugged him. Eventually he broke up with her to fix things with me. I had in the beginning filed for divorce and wanted to cancel it but he didn't. He dumped me and went back to her.  He was still curious about her.  I had gone all out for him one night made dinner, done the romantic roses petal thing, and cleaned the whole entire house.  She called him when I was with him. He had been talking to him and asked if he could talk he said no..I knew who it was.  It made me sick..but it was me and what I had wanted.  I bugged him and bugged him and eventually we got back together.  He finally told her that we were going to try and work it out. For 6 months or so he told me he didn't think he wanted to be together anymore. It was tough but I tried to endure it I didn't want to split. We had cancled the divorce but he was still unsure. 


It was kind of weird but one day it just went away.  We were both happy again and things were good. A year later we got pregnant with Mark and he was born in 2004. I lost a dear friend through the whole ordeal.  She didn't agree with my behavior and although we are friends today things have never been the same.  Its taken me a long time to get over what I did.  Brandon forgave me and I know he meant it.  Could I forgive the same? I don't know, but he has a good heart and we are strong as ever!!


I know this is really deep and personal, but I feel like this had defined me as a person..Feel free to ask any questions and please read with an open mind.

Question

So I was sitting here thinking...Would you marry someone who you had been dating a few days? You are sitting around bored and someone says "I have an idea, lets go to Las Vegas and get married." By the way you are 19 and 20 years old.  One of you is working, the other is not.


That is EXACTLY what my 19  year old nephew did this weekend. He went to Vegas and got hitched. Who was there? His mom, her boyfriend and their friend.  WHAT!? I mean seriously, what are the odds these two will make it? I mean the romantic in me says Yeah they will (or could) make it. Then the realist in me says there is NO way..I mean they aren't even in LOVE...I think pretty much every thing else  you can work around..But with out love what is there? What about that point in your relationship you realize that the lust is gone and you actually have to work it out..You have to be friends and NOT run to the next best thing when it comes around.
Wow, wow, wow!
So I'd love to hear what you all think..I'm still floored! Make sure you answer on my poll and I'd love to hear thoughts!

Life's changes and why I read porn

Wow has my life been crazy busy lately. 2 weeks ago this Sunday my 16 year old niece came to stay with us.
It has been an adjusment but seems to be going good.  The boys love having here.  I don't know which way is up and down though lately. I hope that once we get into a good routine it will be OK.  I never thought that she would come to live with us.  We had to clean out our spare bedroom which I think has been a blessing is disguise .  I've gone through and gotten rid of lots and lots of papers and junk just sitting in there waiting to be thrown away..I don't know what it is but sometimes I can't bare to get rid of some thing and then the next time I look at this I think Why did I keep this. 

I'm also trying to figure out how the teenage mind works.  Its so creepy how things are these days and just how different kids are.  When I was in school I know things weren't good.  But now they are just down right bad.  I keep trying to explain to my niece that the guys that are innocent are the ones she needs to be around. I can't understand for the life of me why she would want to be someones throw away. I guess if they aren't bad boys they aren't appealing..Wow oh wow...Its funny because I can look back at being her age and wonder if I was the same. 

Lately I've been reading up on Porn for women..I thought you might be interested.  Here are some of the images. I've become slightly addicted.  I'm a little embarrassed to share this.