Moving Forward

What is it about change that makes us so uncomfortable? Is it moving into the unknown? Being afraid that once we get there we won't like it? I have thought and thought about going back to school. I've not made the decision for so long now because I really don't like changes. I'm happy in my little bubble. I enjoy doing things my way and not having to worry about the added stress of school. The question of going back to school has haunted me for a very long time. I always thought I'd go back. I got very comfortable in my routine with the boys. Not worrying about my future and what I would be doing. I always thought I had a lot of time to do all of this. I've watched my friends around me graduate and move into successful careers.Now I don't find my self unsuccessful (happily married, Mom to 3 boys) there is something missing. I don't feel like I've accomplished what I need to. I'm getting older and sometimes I think about what I would ever do if anything ever happened to my husband. How would I raise these 3 boys?? Thats something I never, never want to worry about but its a smart thing to consider. Also what happens to me when my boys are grown and out of the house? Who will I be then? I will always be their mom, but one day they won't need me. (as much:) ) So I've taken a few steps into moving forward. I've done a lot of research on going back to school. I've done my financial aid and the biggest most scary step....I took my compass test!!!! I think the scariest thing for me was that darn test!!! I was so scared to take it, its really held me back a lot of the time I've spent putting going back to school off. I got a 91 on my reading. An 81 on my writing. Math I didn't do so hot on. I'm going to retest on it once I study a bit more. I think I can test higher, at least I hope so. Realistically I'm at the point that if I don't test higher then I really do need to take it over again so I can do well on future math classes. I probably won't get going until the Spring semester but I'm really excited to be this far. I'm just proud of my self and for the first time in a very long time I feel intelligent again. I can be a mom and go back to school, all the while having the best of both worlds!

School is grand!

I have to tell you these past few weeks of school have been great! I love how caring everyone is and its a great feeling. The first week of school Mark fell and hit his head on one of the bars in the playground. The principal called me herself to let me know what happened. She said I could come in and check on him if I wanted to. It was really nice, and of course I went;-)

This last week Mark bonked heads with one of his class mates on the play ground and I got another call to let me know what happened. He was fine! When I went to get him he had a sticker on his shirt that said "I hit my head, please keep and eye on me." I also told Mark that we needed to change his name from Mark to Konk...;-)
This is a new school to Mark this year and I have been worried that Mark would have a hard time making new friends. Kids these days are just different. They don't seem as out going. So I sent his teacher and email letting her know that I was worried about that. She told me she moves them around in class a lot. That she would make sure he was meeting new friends. The next day the principal called me to let me know Mark's teacher had told her that I was a little worried. (Mark had been saying he missed his friends at Manzanita and wanted to go back) She went to Mark's class room and spent some time with Mark getting to know him. She told me what a nice young man he is and that they would make sure he was making friends. I was so impressed I can not even tell you how good that made me feel. I really appreciated the effort and kindness that I have been shown.
The school year is off to a great start!

New school year

Well the count down is on. We start school on Monday. I went to meet the teacher yesterday. I felt so out of place and awkward. I really hope that feeling goes away. Mark and Alec are both really excited. I don't know why I let it bother me so much but I do. I want my kids to be in the best place possible. I wanted them to go to the charter school so bad and now I'm scared and really missing the other school. We have been so blessed that they have been accepted so I don't want to seem ungrateful. I'm just nervous. I want them to make friends and be happy.
I did come to the conclusion last night that this has nothing to do with them and everything to do with me. They will do great. They will be happy where ever they are. Friendship didn't come easy to me in school. I don't know what made me so different but Jr. High was a nightmare. I'm so glad its over and that I don't have to do it again. In my head last night I was thinking that this was 19+ years ago and I'm still thinking about it?? The people that made me unhappy are spread all over the world and dealing with who knows what. I had a good cry and a good pray and feel like I was able to let it go. Now I just need to work on being more personable. Not let the fear of being alone get to me.

Something new

Both of my boys have been accepted into the Charter School in our area.  I'm happy, excited, nervous and concerned.  When I originally applied and Mark didn't get in, I was heart broken.  After a few years at our other school I really got over it and got quite attached. When Alec got in I was excited and nervous all over again. I was worried because after Alec got in Mark's chances would increase a lot.  But I really thought he would not get in and I would have a year to decide if it was really what I wanted or not.  A chance to feel out the school and try things. What did I have to lose? So a few weeks later I got a call saying Mark had been accepted. Of course I got all worried and concerned. Why is it that when we think we want something so bad and then we get it, we are apprehensive? I remember being sooo heartbroken when Mark wasn't accepted. So why am I worried now?  I know that I don't want him to attend the JR High school here.  Things have gotten bad and the charter school seems to have a pretty good handle on it. So I have a few weeks to decide.  Mark wants to try it out.  I just want to make sure he gets the best education. I loved his teacher last year and was looking forward to another year.
I guess time will tell and we shall see!

Sometimes I'm a cry baby

Today was preschool graduation.  I'm such a cry baby.  I teared up during and after. I cried some more after and when I had to say good bye.  I can't help but be sad. I will really miss our preschool teacher. Granted good things are coming for her. Saying good bye just stinks!
I try to be strong and I just can't.  Its so frustrating.  I don't like being such an over emotional ball of gook. I feel embarrased and I hold back as long as I can.  So frustrating. I took pictures so we would have some wonderful memories. The little class room, all the fun stuff..Sigh..
Graduation was super cute and I was reminded of why Cambrea was such a good teacher and a wonderful person. I better go, I can feel my tears welling up again and I have a headache brewing. I will post pictures soon.

summer is almost here

School is almost out.  I am excited and ready for the break with my kids.  Except I start to feel this overwhelming sense of sadness as the year comes to an end.  I adore our teachers and next year will be new beginnings.  Our wonderful preschool teacher will be gone after this next weekend. She is moving to Utah, her husband got a wonderful job there. Her family is also there. I'm so happy for her but I can't help but be sad.  She was Mark's first teacher and Alec had her this year.  I had plans for Blake to have her as well.  She has been so good to my boys and they have learned so much. We found out a few Mondays ago she was leaving and right after that on Wednesday I got a letter from the academy saying Alec had been accepted.  I would have totally left him with her for another year.  I also would have lost my golden chance on him attending the academy.  Which I'm still not sure about. Mark has had such wonderful experiences at his school it makes it hard for me to pull him out and not send Alec there.

Mark's teacher has been wonderful. She is so kind and caring. One of those rarities anymore. She communicates with me and doesn't mind that I want to be involved.  Next year brings a new teacher and its always hard to say good bye.  I think I'm more upset than the kids.  When did I become so attached? So sentimental? Such a looney toon?
Its sad to think about.  Exciting for the kids but sad for me.  Here we go into the summer!

Torn

I'm not sure what to think...I got news on Monday that Alec's preschool teach Ms. Cami is not teaching preschool next year.(She is moving to Utah)   She has been wonderful. She takes 6 kids at a time and he would go on Monday and Wednesday from 9-12.  So the schedule has been great.  I was really looking forward to her teaching him again next year.  He won't get to go into Kindergarten for another year because of his b-day.  So I finally started thinking that I would be ok with him maybe staying home with me and working on some sort of a curriculum for him. Then today I get a letter from the Academy saying he had been accepted there for preschool.  Now I'm so torn.  I absolutely LOVE Mark's school.  Granted he hasn't gotten in yet either but I don't know what I want now.  I haven't come to terms with the situation yet. I had pretty much figured they were not going to get in.
If I let Alec stay in preschool he would go for Kindergarten the following year...If I don't he will lose his spot. I'm not sure what to do. I know he needs preschool no matter what. But I'm also not sure if I want to move Mark if he gets accepted.  His teacher this year has been a blessing. So wonderful and he has learned so much.
There are so many pros and cons.  I love the idea of a 4 day school week. I guess I have the next year to think it over...I have no idea now..

Blessed

I just have to say how blessed we are this year with Mark's teacher.  She is simply amazing.  So caring, and really interested in her students.  We got very lucky this year!

Pre-schooler in the house:)

First day of preschool!

Alec Started preschool this week! We decided it would be good for him since Mark is gone all day now and he has been acting out.  He goes two days a week from 9-12.  We did the same thing with Mark and he loved it.  Alec is so excited and his teacher Miss Cami called and said he did great! She was very proud of him.  So are we:)

*Update* First Grade

Mark said his first day at school was "The best day ever!"

First day of school 1st grade

Alright mom, enough with the dang camera! Mark was up early and ready to go.  Things were super smooth and easy for us. Although I'm not a morning person! I guess I will be now.  He posed long enough for me to shoot with him at his desk and then was off to recess. I love my boy and am super proud of him! Here is to a great school year! Dad had to be in BHC early today so he missed it but should be here tomorrow for day 2~ I also managed to make it out of the building before I cried my eyes out. A vast improvement from last year.

Update

Just thought I'd shout from the roof top, I have only 5 more pounds to go!!!

Things are going well as I can expect I guess. I am waiting to find out if we are going to be able to modify our home loan. Yesterday I got papers saying they needed a request to modify. What, I sent this all in, in November and have since sent out updated paystubs. I called them today and they said that they need an updated one. So basically they are wasting my time. I don't want to have to move, but geez I feel like things are not going in the right direction and maybe we should just get out.
Then I am scared to have to rent a home when we have owned our own home since 2001. It was our first house on Roosevelt off of airway. I loved our home, but when we became parents we decided that the street was way to busy and it was too risky for our children. So we sold it in 05. We bought a major fix er upper and we are really happy here. We put a lot of money into in and I don't want to move. WE have the greatest neighbors, our street isn't busy and I just love the neighborhood. So time will tell. Also what will be will be.

Blake just turned 6 mos old. He has popped his first bottom tooth. He is doing great. Dragging himself every where getting ready to crawl. Still not a big fan of baby food, so I have not pushed it.
Alec and Mark are awesome. Mark will be turning 6 in May and Alec is 3. They are both growing at a great rate and Mark's Kindergarten report card was AWESOME!!

We have gone to church 7 weeks in a row now. Last weekend Brandon didn't make it and it was ok. I ventured out alone with the kiddos and it wasn't bad at all. I love going and I love feeling renewed. I love that the kids ask when we are going again. They are awesome.

Day 3

Day 3 of my work out was really hard..I was having a hard time concentrating and am still really sore from day before yesterday. I know what I want and how it is attainable, but its still hard none the less. I didn't do the work out yesterday. I was super sore and know that when I work out on days like that I'm not likely to return to my work outs. So I did it today and may do it again tonight on the advice of my hubby. I say he's crazy, but I don't want to give up on such a good thing so I may.

Christmas break is officially over tomorrow. I'm sad because these past few weeks have been great.
The kids have been awesome and are really enjoying their trampoline. We've been on it a few times and my that is a good work out!
I'm still feeling very motivated to get some stuff done. Cleaned off the top of the fridge and the cabinets last night. Don't know why I always start with the hardest projects first. Call me crazy, but not the less still motivated!!
Oh and by the way Jillian Michaels is one of the trainers from the biggest loser. She is tough, but those 400lbs don't just fall off of those people they work their butts off!

1st day of Kingdergarten

Well Today was the first official day of school for Mark. I have dreaded this moment for the past 5 years. I used to think when he was first born that I had 5 whole years to count down to..Boy did time fly..So we got ready today..New shoes, new shorts, new School shirts..I asked him if he was excited to start school and he said he was. Last night not so much. We had meet the teacher and I asked him if he liked his new teacher and he said "uh not really"..ha ha..Its really hard to fill the shoes of his preschool teacher Miss Cami. She was so great and so friendly. Really loves children and its killing me that she isn't his teacher anymore.
Brandon and Alec went with us to his first day. We walked him to class and found his seat. He was just great. He said he had a really great day and that he now likes his new teacher. I cried my eyes out and was really upset that none of the other parents seemed to be upset. It bothers me on a lot of different levels. I think most parents are excited to be away from their children and to get a break. I love being with my kids and wish school wasn't so long. Most parents look at it as a form of day care that they don't have to pay for..What about this system is so great? Who deems it necessary to be away from their parents for 6 to 8 hours per day?
I am overly hormonal right now too. I cried at the house and when we left the school and was so happy to see him. He of course was fine and didn't have any problems saying good bye. It amazes me how strong our children are!
He only goes 2 and half hours per day. On late start days 2 hours. Its contraindicating of what I just wrote, but at the same time I don't think that short amount of time is enough. I did half day kindergarten and really enjoyed it. I thought that Kindergartners should always be half day and then when it was changed to full day I thought that was too much. Now being a mom, I'm all over the place and not sure what is best..Other than being with my baby more!
Regardless so far so good! He had a great day and things seem to go well. I'm glad he is only part day for my own selfish reasons. I miss him! He is my baby!!!

Summer is almost gone

I just cannot fathom how fast time goes by anymore. Its seems weeks ago it was just starting and now I'm looking at the lists of school supplies that Mark is going to need for his first year of school.
I'm really not looking forward to it. I have thought and thought of keeping him home..But feel I am compromising his education if I do so. He is so impressionable and I'm so worried about how he will do at school. I guess I worry about the other kids too. The kids that don't have good role models at home and start to shape and turn your kids because they don't know any better. We do have a k12 program here for homeschooling..but I am so torn. As it is he will go to Kindergarten 2 hours and 55 minutes a day. So I think I will let him go and see how it goes and how he likes it. I think I will know almost immediately if there are problems and he isn't reacting well. He is very excited to go to a big school and I think it will be good for him. But I just haven't quite figured out how to deal with it yet. When did I become so old fashioned that I didn't want my baby to go to school. I enjoyed school and I know he will to. Just one more thing to worry about..Sigh*