Happy New Year!!!

Here is what I've learned so far:

To finishing unstarted projects, finishing the unfinished..Not being so picky about everything and the ability to not control it. Meaning that now I have kids, I need to get over the want to have everything be perfect. That went out the window when I had kids. Its sooooo hard for me to just let things be..To let the kids help because I want to do things my way, to realize that my house will never be spotless no matter how hard I try.

That my King size bed WAS made to hold 3 people or more, that I am infact getting older and that I do drive a mini van now:( Yep, still sore about that one..

I do complain alot in these blogs, but when It boils down to it, I am very happy. I am very blessed! I love my boys more than anything I could have ever imagined. The days are to short, so are the years..Secretly my heart aches for when these days are over. ( Just don't want them to end) I love having a baby in the house, I always think about more, but I can't imagine the dirty looks, I will get then. I get stopped in the store non stop by people wanting to know how old the baby is and to talk to the boys.
I would wake up 10 times a night to hold onto these moments and the youth of my children. I would change diapers for the rest of my life to keep them small. That my five year old makes me laugh more that imagineable.
My 3 year olds (though he swears he is still 2 and a half) ability to quiet a whole gymnasium full of adults by yelling at his brother. " MARK DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN!!" Too funny, but still embarrasing!
That the third time must be a charm because Blake is such a good baby. Sleeps well, doesn't fuss much, and is so happy. I lucked out this time around!!

That though I get mad its only brief and I love to buy stuff for my children. Even though I swore I wouldn't because they were bad in the store:-P

If its going to get broken, its most likely mine and I've had it for a long time..Great way to get rid of clutter!

To drive my husband bonkers with my lack of organization and to want to save every animal out there even though we are out numbered in our house. we have a little dog named Scrappy. Alec calls him Pee Pee:)

My Husbands undying loyalty inspite of all of my flaws! How hard I laugh at him when he finds the only goats head (nasty pokey sticker)in the house in the bottom of his foot. How he always has something he really wants to do..Ie, some sort of multilevel marketing and how much money we have spent on these sort of things. His famous line, "But its something I really want to do."

Yep, its a crazy life and I wouldn't change it for the world. (except maybe all the negativity, war, and all the bad things going on in the world)
Hope you all have a very great New Year, that you are safe and that it brings you New things, new opportunity and much love!

Christmas

My favorite time of year is coming to an end. Not so sure that's such a bad thing this year. I have always enjoyed Christmas and Thanksgiving. However this year has been all about catching up and I still have not managed to do so. Things are tough. In fact as I sit here I have a baby in my lap. He is my helper. My hubby says its all about how I organize my time. That I'm productive at the wrong times. I'm definitely more of a night owl than a day time person. I can get stuff done but generally I don't until later in the day. I can get a lot done while the boys are in bed.
So as I start to pack away my christmas stuff away I think about how amazing the New Year is going to be. It just has to be.

The boys loved Christmas. Well after awhile they did. Mark was thrilled, he said he got everything he wanted. It took Alec awhile to warm up to the idea. At one point he cried and said he wanted different presents. It made me sad because Santa put a lot of work into getting their gifts. Everything he got was stuff he showed interest in. I think he was surprised at the different stuff he got. I think he was expecting to get the same stuff as Mark. Good mental note for Santa! Blake of course was indifferent. He was happy just to be there.

We enjoyed time at both families houses. Of course they always eat at the same time and its a big fat pain in the butt. Hubby is always happy to spend time at both, but i know its upsetting when we don,t make it to his families earlier. Next year something has to change. But NO ONE want to celebrate a day earlier, that would be too easy...
Did I mention Ive also thrown my diet out the window for now..Starting a diet around the holidays is murder..So here soon I will get the will power and will stick with it. Right now I have none and it makes me guilty and I feel like a big fat quitter..ha ha! Egg nog I salute you, you will not get the best of me:)
I hope you all had a great Christmas and I wish you a very Happy New year!!

New Moon

I finally saw New Moon. It was amazing. Made me feel like a giddy school girl:-). I love the characters. Mostly I'm team Edward, but Jacob was pretty amazing too. Both really lead that whole fairy tale romance thing. I could only dream to have that in my chaotic real life. It was so good that tomorrow I'm going to see it again!!

Time is Flying..

Where have the past few weeks gone geez! I guess a few things are going on. Nothing to much out of the norm though. We FINALLY got a new computer!! I am so happy, but sort of out of the habit of using it. I haven't really been on in weeks. Maybe a good thing though. I seem to be getting a little bit more done:)
Blake is 10 weeks and just went in for his first set of shots. I think thats the one thing that would make me not want to have any more kids. I worry so much about the vaccines and what they can do. I also worry about what can happen if they don't have them. Lots of old diseases are making a come back and it scares me. I pray and pray for him not to have any reactions. I put my faith in God, with everything I do and that helps me to be at ease.
Mark and Alec were both sick, which transferred to me and passed on to the baby. Every one seems to be doing well now. Mark's cough is hanging on. I took him to the doc yesterday when he saw Blake and everything seems to be good!!Maybe just some seasonal allergies. I kept him home from school to go to the doc. I didn't want to but I wanted to make sure he didn't have something..
I've taken on my walking again. Since my friend Mandy went back to work I haven't walked at all..But we recently started going again on her lunch break. We go downtown..THere are hills every where down there, so we get a good work out. I'm glad to, because the scale hasn't budged since I stopped walking.
I am also trying to wean off of the coffee. I know how fattening it is and really I don't need one every day. THats how often I've been going. So today I had a grande nonfat pumpkin spice latte. I didn't get one last night and had a headache today. But I did less fat today and a smaller size. So gradually I am going to wean off and only have it sometimes. Maybe for special treat or something. I did try an Iced coffee with chocolate and it was awful strong!!
Yeah I know I sound like a broken record, but I will be healthy!!!!

8 weeks

Well 8 weeks have come and gone since the baby got here. I'd love to tell you that they have been eventful and I've gotten all sorts of things done, but thats hardly the case. I got a few drawers on my pantry cleaned out today(Still working on getting organized) One step at a time.. I'd still love to try and make it to the craft fair tomorrow but i'm not sure that will happen. Mark and Alec both have a cold right now. Alec is on the down hill slide of his and Mark's is still going pretty full blown. I have that annoying tickle in my throat that I've been trying to fight off, but I don't think I will be able too. I can feel it in my chest. Today I've been trying to drink hot tea, and try to combat it as much as I can.
I've been walking alot trying to get into shape. I know what I want but when it comes down to it, I really lack the motivation. I think about it every day and know what I need to do..but I still end up stopping at starbucks which is my vice. Yes, I am going to try a Iced coffee with 3 pumps of mocha..just haven't yet:)
So I try to excercise and know that its going to be a cold winter because I refuse to buy new pants when I have a closet full of size 5's...Guess I can't be to hard on my self...its only been two months. But the scale hasn't budged much. I still have 13lbs to shed. I love food, and I love to snack to its VERY hard.

Blake is doing awesome! He is such a good baby and getting so big. We go for his 2 month check up on the 24th. I can not even begin to tell you the love I have for him and all my kids. I know all of my mom friends know what I mean. My heart just aches with love. They are amazing kids, and I have been truely blessed with such a wonderful family. Its hard to believe that at one point I didn't even think I wanted kids. One blessing happens and its the best thing we ever did. I don't even remember my life before kids. I thought I'd miss it but I don't. Everything is so much more meaningful and I look forward to things again that I did when I was a kid. Taking trips, holidays, birthdays..Brings out the kid in me all over again.
I really can not believe that it has been 8 weeks since the baby came.
It goes by way to quick and while my hubby is sold on not having anymore a part of my heart aches at the thought. Guess, I should count my blessings. Ive got 3 I never imagined having!! :)

my computer

Well, my computer has died and we are working on getting a new one. Doing all the research that goes into getting a really good one. I should be up and running soon and right now I have to wait until my husband comes home and is not using his. Its very frustrating and I didn't realize how much I used the computer until I didn't have one. Banking, facebooking, wasting time..Yep, thats me! LOL...So don't fret, I will be back up soon. Not sure what happened to mine, if it was a virus or just a meltdown but its down. Things are going good though. Blake is 6 weeks already! Wow, has time gone by fast. He is smiling more and more and really showing us what a cutie he is.
Down another pound..walking most days...it feels really good..Happy!! trying to clean eat..slowly but surely...still love my starbucks, and candy corn..lol

On Friday I got my H1N1 nasal spray. Wasn't going to but decided that I don't want the baby to get sick and it seems to be hitting closer and closer to home. Everyone around us seems to be sick. Kids, friends, random people..Not any family yet, thank goodness! But its coming sometime or another.
Halloween was great. The kids were cute and as always I will post pictures soon. Once I'm up again...
So now the hubby is sitting here, reading over my shoulder and rushing me so he can use the computer. Jerk..lol...Not really, but he is ready for his computer..
Hope everyone is well!

Love

Sigh I love him so much:)

Fly lady

So I Have been reading a very cool website. Its called Flylady.net. I decided that I would sign up. Its free and you get daily email reminders. The whole point of this website is to help you be more organized. You get daily tasks to do along with comments and support from other people who may be having the same troubles. I thought about taking pictures around my house so you can see the mess I'm dealing with. But even I'm to vain to let you all see how messy things are..ha ha! So far I've gotten lots of great ideas and I think I am going to do well with this. Basically it teaches you how to do things out of routine. You get caught up by getting into a routine and not spending more than 5 or 10 minutes on certain projects. I like the idea!! I was amazed to see how many women are out there that are having the same problem..trying to juggle life, family, husbands, work, etc. So many are behind like me and really feeling the pinch of it. My house gets messy and I am embarassed to have anyone over...I have to spend hours cleaning if we decide to have company and its very hard on me..It was really bad when I was pregnant..Now I have no excuse! Its hard when you have kids too, and to those out there who keep a shining house Kuddos! I have not been able to figure it out yet~ But am dilligently working on it..

chicken or candy corn?

That is the question. Man this clean eating is HARD. Its one of those things that you have to be ready to do and commited to. Like quitting smoking. I've never been a smoker, but I've observed people that have quit and tried to quit. If you aren't ready you won't make it. That's how I feel about food. Of course I don't like the changes I see in my body. Extra fat here, dimples there and it bothers me every day. I've had a baby BUT I still have extra fat that I know I can shake. Its called the skinny fat. Everyone always tells me how thin I am etc, but its like I'm hiding some sort of dark secret. My clothes camoflauge a lot. I don't even want to get started on my other clothes not fitting yet. I absolutely refuse to buy a new wardrobe. I just need to get over this food addiction that has such a huge hold on me.

Today was going very well. I did well the better part of the day. I ate well, skipped Starbucks, only ate a few candy corn. Made a good dinner, (chicken, steamed veggies and a small baked potato). Then I started feeling snacky! My wonderful hubby reminds me of the chocolate cake that we had gotten at the store. The chocolate cake I had been avoiding for the past few days. So I had a small piece and that turned into 2 and maybe a little more later:( all this while watching the biggest loser. So here I sit, not feeling any better and having a headache from the coffee I didn't drink today. *sigh* tomorrow will be better!

vaccines

Boy oh boy is this a heated debate. My mind is spinning to try and decide what is right for our family. On one hand I value my children's health more than anything. I think some vaccines are very important and on the other hand I'm scared to death as far as what is right for them and what isn't. I really hate to think that the vaccine market is all about money. Our health is so important and its scary to think that our government could be so corrupt that they would be trying to line the pockets of these big pharmaceutical companies. The evidence in both ways is very compelling. There are sooo many more vaccines now than there has ever been. Is this because medicine has gotten better and stronger and they are more readily available to help keep us healthy? Or is it because they are trying to profit off of some thing that is very fragile in my mind. I don't know. I do know I have researched and researched and picked a lot of different people's brains as far as how they vaccinate their kids and if they don't why. The stuff in these vaccines are scary..Would our bodies be able to fight this stuff off alone??? I just don't know anymore. I do know that now that I have another little guy in the house I want him to be healthy..I did break down and have a flu vaccine yesterday..2 years ago I had the flu, and I was so sick I could hardly get out of bed. It lasted for around 2 weeks. I can not afford to risk putting him at risk. So tell me how do you feel about vaccines and the modern day medicine that we are using so frequently..there is so much conspiracy about everything anymore..I've heard there are people who believe we didn't land on the moon and that it was taped in the desert..So there are always going to be people who question everything and this makes our decisions that much harder..Wow..Its going to be a long life time of figuring this one out!

4 weeks old

Baby boy turned 4 weeks old today:). ♥ His personality is really starting to shine. He is starting to smile at us. Its great. He is spending more time awake and has really become alert. He sleeps great and his appetite is awesome:). We are going Tuesday to get some baby photos.

I feel great! Ready to take on more and get more done.
Mark and Alec are awesome! Brandon is busy as ever with work and side projects. Hopefully it pays off in the long run. I'm confident it will. He works hard and we have faith:)

Hubby and I discussed waiting until Blake is around 2 before we decide on permament birth control. I think most likely we are done, but I want to make sure before hubby does anything hasty. Like get snipped. I'm not really big on any form of permanent birth control. We've talked about an IUD but I'm scared. I'd rather take bc pills. But don't want to yet because of the breast feeding. I don't want my milk to dry up. So right now we are waiting and will decide a little later.

Clean eating

Well I have decided to delve full on into some thing I have spent so much time looking into and not doing. Clean eating! I have read so many books and know what I should be putting into my body, although I never seem to be able to stick with it. I get tired of eating the same ol same ol..But Alas I think its time I get with the program and get past my unorganizedness...and get started..I have been reading the cleaning eating book by Tosca Reno..I bought a few years back. Then I bought the Butt book by her and her clean eating for Kids. I need good and healthy recipes if I'm going to stick with this. Unfortunately my favorite Starbucks drink right now (Pumpkin Spice Latte) is 540 calories. No wonder the scale hasn't budged. Thats crazy..I'm hungry all the time. Granted I'm breast feeding and need more calories but I think my body is lacking in the foods I'm eating and why I'm so hungry and crave all the sugar and junk. So we will see how it goes. I hope to be back down to pre pregnancy weight by December..Not if I keep with the starbucks though..lol..I did just have a baby and I understand that I need time to heal, but I feel eating right will put me where I need to be. Also incorporating some excercise and all of the calories I'm burning by nursing..I will keep you all updated!!

3 weeks

Well here we are at week 3 already. Blake is doing great. He still sleeps a lot and has his moments usually at night when he doesn't want to sleep. He thinks its time to party when its time to go to bed. Normally when he is sleeping I'm trying my hardest to get things done. So when bedtime rolls around I'm worn out. I'm starting to feel back to myself. Not so much of an emotional roller coaster like I was. I still have some baby weight to shake, but I can see this is going to be a challenge as I seem to be starving every waking minute. Now I know what your thinking, its only been 3 weeks..but as we all know the weeks start going by faster and faster..So as long as it hasn't been a year and I should be good. ha ha! In all reality I'm sure its breast feeding stores that my body is holding onto. I only have 14lbs to lose. I gained a total of 38. Which is significantly less than with my other two. I think around 50-60..Yikes! I also seem to be healing much faster than with the other two..Better experience..maybe..who knows...The scale certainly hasn't budged in a week or so. I'm sure weighing every day doesn't help either. So I should get back on track soon and I really don't want to do anything to hurt my breast milk supply. I nursed both boys with out formula and plan to do the same with this one. I used to be concerned about nursing and how my ladies would be after wards..well they will be fine and I will have a much healthier baby..Thank heavens for push up and great support bras..

Its funny how much more self concious you are after a baby. I normally slim down pretty great and I'm sure I will this time around too. But its still something I think we all worry about. I still want to be the only girl that catches my hubby's eye..well except for Megan Fox..ha ha!
In all reality he is thrilled to have 3 boys that are healthy and relieved that everything went good with labor and delivery. ME TOO!!
So here is to another week that has passed! I hope to keep blogging and just sending out random thoughts. I really like it! A great way to journal in your own right mind and vent..its great.

2 weeks

Wow, 2 weeks have passed since we welcomed Blake into our home. Its so crazy that this time has gone by so quick..He is a great baby..So patient and such a great sleeper. He is becoming more and more alert and is sleeping a tad bit less. Mark and Alec do very well with him. They keep their distance for the most part but are very gentle with him when they are around. Blake gives me quite a bit of rest at night which is great. Usually he is up bright and early to nurse but does go back down until around 10am. We really don't have a set schedule yet. sometimes he sleeps 3-4hours at a time. Sometimes he is up every 2hours..Just depends..but most often he sleeps great..maybe I'm just used to it..
Nursing him has definately given me quite the appetite. I'm hungry all the time. I just have to stay away from the junk..All the Halloween candy around is making me nuts. I just can't get enough candy corn. Then to top it all off my hubby goes to get ice cream for the kids and comes home with not just 1 or 2 but 3 things of ice cream. Good Grief..lol..
I've been staying home mostly. I only go out to take Mark to school or pick him up..Sometimes I go by myself to the store. I want to try and keep us all from getting sick. Especially the baby. I'm a little bored, a little stir crazy..but I think its for Blake's best interest.I'd like to do some walking, but we've had crazy wind the past few days and I really don't want to over do it and want to give myself time to heal. I feel good and think my cold I got right before delivery is almost gone. I still get a few cough attacks. But think this is just a little of the left over thing.
Hubby has been super supportive and I really can not thank him enough. He is very busy and has been great through everything. I will get some new pics up soon..I'm so behind! Thanks everyone for you love and support.

Is it just me??

Is it just me or do things get better when you truly feel they are better?? Things have been so absolutely wonderful lately. I've been blessed with this amazing little boy. My husband and I seem to be on the same page more than ever. My kids are doing very well and in general things just seem to be going great. I feel it from the top of my head down to my toes. Maybe I'm in some sort of euphoric state because I've just had a baby..But things seem to be going awesome for us. Of course there are some things that could always get better..but those things seem to be so trivial right now. I feel like those things will continue to get better and that really I don't have to worry about any of it.

Its funny to because I feel the need to blog..but don't have too much to really blog about. I could go on and on about how good things are right now.. I've come to the conclusion that My hubby and I are a team, I love my kids more than anything else and everything else....Drama etc, it just trivial...Even the weather is wonderful..There is no where else I'd rather be!

Its amazing to me.....

How a woman's body can completely manufacture a whole living and breathing human. I keep looking at this little guy wondering how it is we do it. I'm in complete awww everytime I look at him. Completely in love and so happy and feeling very accomplished. I could honestly say I could keep having babies..They are so cute and helpless and do so many funny and adorable things. I miss being pregnant already. If I had known when he was coming I would have taken some time to really enjoy my last moments being pregnant. I was thinking I'd have to be induced.

I prayed and prayed for things to go smooth and for us. I asked for an easy delivery and a healthy baby. I put it in his hands as far as the sex of the baby. I knew he'd send us what would work best for our family. I had been sort of detached from God. Once I started praying again and communicating with God things started to change very rapidly. Its so cliche and people can believe what they want but my life started to get better. The stress of every day living started to fade away. I felt that comfort that had been absent for awhile. Now I didn't lose faith at all. I just got overly busy and put God on the back burner..Not even saying my prayers every night because I was falling asleep to quick. He welcomed me back with open arms and started reminding me of who I am and what I stand for. Not to be judgmental and to pray for those who are giving me grief. I can not imagine a life with out God in it..He had brought me all of my greatest blessings and I am forever grateful!!

He's Here!!!!!!!!

I am proud to announce that Blake Adam Wilcox made his Debut on Sunday September 20, 2009. He weighed 9lbs 3.2oz and was 21.7inches long. He is a big boy, but is perfect!!!
I actually got to go into labor on my own this time!!! With both Mark and Alec I was induced. With Mark my blood pressure was getting to high and with Alec he wasn't moving enough and the doc was concerned that the placenta wasn't thriving anymore.

I had been cleaning house the majority of the day and been feeling kind of crampy all day. Not really any different than any other day. My hubby went to watch UFC and my friends Mandy and Sarah came over with their kids to hang out. We spent some time relaxing and having some good conversation. After they left I got everyone ready for bed and then the the hubby came home. I was in bed for about an hour tossing and turning. I was having contractions that kept getting stronger and stronger. I had gotten up to go to the bathroom a few times and one of those times I thought maybe my water had broken and was starting to leak. So I woke up hubby and we called our friend Mandy to come and stay with the boys. We went to the hospital and got right in. This was around 12:30-1:00 am. She checked me and said I was only dialated to a 1. Which was disappointing..she said I was probably dehydrated and that was causing the cramping. All I could think at this point was how I was going to go home and deal with these contractions that were getting stronger. So I downed three glasses of water trying to get rehydrated so these contractions would go away. After I got up to use the restroom I got sick to my stomach and all the water came up. I got really shaky and didn't feel well at all. So the nurse checked me again and I had gone from a 1 to a 4/5..all in an hour. She said I was staying!! Thank goodness!! I would have had the baby at home otherwise...
I asked for my epidural right away..last baby I didn't get one so I was jonesing to get one this time~ After the epidural was done she checked me again and I was already dialated to an 8...AT 5:30 the doc came in and broke my water..I was at a 9 at that point. Then I stayed there for about 2 hours until the nurses started rolling me some. Everytime I got up before It seemed to make me dialate that much faster so It made sense to move.
With in 15 minutes baby had dropped and I was ready to push..3 Big pushes and he came out. This delivery was so smooth and fast. I had been praying and praying for things to go smooth.
Needless to say I am completely in love all over again. Its funny because with every baby I have worried about how things would change with having a new baby..but it always seems to just work..

Fall is in the air

One of my favorite suttle changes that says fall is in the air is the early morning air. The way that the wind blows lightly different. The difference in the smell of the air. The way you can just sense things are different and starting to change. All of the halloween decor and fall decor making its appearance. This is my favorite time of year. Although it also brings a sense of sadness to me to. Knowing the summer is really over and that my kids will be a whole year older when the next one comes. The little things that make them happy change and they will be that much bigger next year.
It does bring new meaning too. The kids will be able to do more and have more fun. Maybe that's what its all about. Growing and making new memories with new experiences:)

Tomorrow is Due the big due date...

Well tomorrow is officially my due date..Some how I don't think this baby will be making an appearance then. I saw my doc today and I am still barely dialated and the baby is still sitting really high. So I go back on Monday for a Non Stress test and biological profile of the baby. Basically to check his movement, make sure the placenta is still doing well and to see how big he is. My Last baby was 8lbs 15oz. He was bigger than I ever imagined he would be. Mark was only 6lbs 13oz..big shock for us!!! So I should know more Monday. If things aren't going well, or baby seems to be getting to big, we may end up having the baby on Monday!! Other wise he will still be chilling out in his home for 9+ months. I'm ready...I'm tired, my ribs aches, I don't sleep, Ive eaten more tums than anyone should ever have to. At the same time it buys me a few more precious days with my Mark and Alec. I think I worry about them more than I do anything else.
I'm confident about my labor and delivery and know things will go well. I'm happy to be where I am. Happy to have this little guy and looking forward to being thin again:)
Had I mentioned his first name will be Blake...his middle name will be Edward or Adam...

By the way...

I am so grateful for everyone I have in my life and feel that I am truly blessed.
God is so good that I can not complain and am so happy in my life. Even with circumstances changing all the time, he is so good to us..great family, great friends, just totally blessed:-)

Baby celebration

This past weekend was my baby celebration! I have to admit I was feeling very self concious like no one would want to come or even show up. But things went very well and I was very happy to see how many good friends that I do have. I don't get to see all of them very often, or at least often enough for me but it made a huge difference. We had also decided that it would be a party to celebrate the coming of the new baby..No gifts expected. I got so many new baby clothes, diapers and cute toys, I was so thrown. I guess in my self wallowing I didn't think that people would want to come let alone buy the new baby a gift. It really means a lot to me that so many people were here. It was at my house and my great friends Mandy and Sarah threw the shower for me. They put a lot of work into it and I am so grateful for them. I had family and friends here to support me and it was very nice. My youngest Alec went with his dad and Mark my 5 year old stayed here. He was to interested in the party and other kids that may show up. He helped open presents for a few minutes before disappearing to play. I had to slow him down because he was opening them so fast I couldn't even process what I was opening. But he did calm down and I was able to relax and open at a slower pace.

Once I get my pics downloaded I will get them posted. I'm so lazy right now. I'm 38 weeks along and so tired. I feel good that things are getting done and I think I'm ready for him. Ready or not right? Just a few more things and I will be set..I can not believe how fast the past 9 months have gone by.

Aggravated

I guess I just need to blow off some steam..I don't understand why other people can be so crappy! I know that isn't a nice word to use, but I'm so tired of rude people, people that think they are better than everyone else and people who are so unwilling to make new friends because they don't feel everyone else is good enough for them. I consider myself a good person. I would do just about anything for anyone else. Given that is doesn't compromise my family or marriage. I'm so tired of the looks, the judgment and the way people treat other people. I see it every day, among families, kids and little kids. I just want to be accepted for who I am. That I'm a good mom, good wife and that everyone's circumstances are always changing and evolving. I don't look down on other people because of their circumstances..The only time I get aggravated by most other people is by their attitude and how they treat other people. I try to always maintain my positive composure. Try to be happy when things really could be better and try to lift other people up. Isn't that what its all about?

1st day of Kingdergarten

Well Today was the first official day of school for Mark. I have dreaded this moment for the past 5 years. I used to think when he was first born that I had 5 whole years to count down to..Boy did time fly..So we got ready today..New shoes, new shorts, new School shirts..I asked him if he was excited to start school and he said he was. Last night not so much. We had meet the teacher and I asked him if he liked his new teacher and he said "uh not really"..ha ha..Its really hard to fill the shoes of his preschool teacher Miss Cami. She was so great and so friendly. Really loves children and its killing me that she isn't his teacher anymore.
Brandon and Alec went with us to his first day. We walked him to class and found his seat. He was just great. He said he had a really great day and that he now likes his new teacher. I cried my eyes out and was really upset that none of the other parents seemed to be upset. It bothers me on a lot of different levels. I think most parents are excited to be away from their children and to get a break. I love being with my kids and wish school wasn't so long. Most parents look at it as a form of day care that they don't have to pay for..What about this system is so great? Who deems it necessary to be away from their parents for 6 to 8 hours per day?
I am overly hormonal right now too. I cried at the house and when we left the school and was so happy to see him. He of course was fine and didn't have any problems saying good bye. It amazes me how strong our children are!
He only goes 2 and half hours per day. On late start days 2 hours. Its contraindicating of what I just wrote, but at the same time I don't think that short amount of time is enough. I did half day kindergarten and really enjoyed it. I thought that Kindergartners should always be half day and then when it was changed to full day I thought that was too much. Now being a mom, I'm all over the place and not sure what is best..Other than being with my baby more!
Regardless so far so good! He had a great day and things seem to go well. I'm glad he is only part day for my own selfish reasons. I miss him! He is my baby!!!

Its official

Its official..I saw my Doc on Sat and he said we are going with the Sept 13,09 due date Instead of my Sept 23 Due date. What does this mean..I lose 2 weeks and jump ahead to 36 weeks. I now go to the Dr every week and my weeks change every Saturday!
Wow..I'm still not sure that I'm ready, but Its happening anyways..guess I better get ready! I'm ready to be done! The heat has been awful and this has been by far my hardest pregnancy..Just different. I've not really felt up to par for most of it. I look forward to meeting baby Wilcox. Look forward to all the things that are great when you have a new baby in the house. I'm nervous about how Mark and Alec will take it. I think Mark will take a new baby like a trooper. Alec I'm worried about, but think all in all he will be fine. Can't believe that soon enough I'm going to be a mother of 3~ Wow!! I'm going to be that much busier and time is going to go that much faster!!

31 weeks or 33-34?

So this Wednesday I will be 32 weeks...Or so I thought! I saw my Dr. on Saturday and he measured me and said I was measuring bigger..When I had My first ultrasound around 14 weeks it said I was Due 9-13-2009. Then I saw my doc who said they were fairly inaccurate and that we would stick with my 9-23-2009 due date. So thats where it has stayed..I had my next ultrasound around 23 weeks and my due date was 9-9-09 I thought pretty neat..But the doc stuck with the date of the 23rd..So I got used to the idea and dealt with it. Now I go on Sat and he says "so we are around 33-34 weeks now"..and I said "actually 31"..he says " how do I keep messing that up" he looks at the ultrasound and measures me and says that I've filled in and its looking more around the 13th..But just to be sure in 2 weeks when I go back he is going to send me for another ultrsound just to see..So I'm excited about that..Kind of stressed out I've possibly lost a few weeks..But thats ok..Just gotta get busy and get used to what life will be like with 3 little ones.
I'm excited, but nervous and stressed out all at the same time. I know things will work out~ I was so stressed about how things would be when I had 2..now I think adding one more will be ok..Infact I know it will be.

Summer is almost gone

I just cannot fathom how fast time goes by anymore. Its seems weeks ago it was just starting and now I'm looking at the lists of school supplies that Mark is going to need for his first year of school.
I'm really not looking forward to it. I have thought and thought of keeping him home..But feel I am compromising his education if I do so. He is so impressionable and I'm so worried about how he will do at school. I guess I worry about the other kids too. The kids that don't have good role models at home and start to shape and turn your kids because they don't know any better. We do have a k12 program here for homeschooling..but I am so torn. As it is he will go to Kindergarten 2 hours and 55 minutes a day. So I think I will let him go and see how it goes and how he likes it. I think I will know almost immediately if there are problems and he isn't reacting well. He is very excited to go to a big school and I think it will be good for him. But I just haven't quite figured out how to deal with it yet. When did I become so old fashioned that I didn't want my baby to go to school. I enjoyed school and I know he will to. Just one more thing to worry about..Sigh*

My newest obsession

Yep that's right I have been sucked in and am loving the Twilight series..I hadn't seen the movie until recently..Guess I wasn't all that interested. Man was that a mistake! We went to a friends and they were telling us how good it was so we watched it~ They were not kidding! So the next day I bought the next book..I thought about starting with the first but since I'd already seen the movie thought I may skip around, so I went to the next "New moon". For me this is huge! Very rarely do I ever start a book and stick to it. But a day and half later and some 600 pages later I was done! Sneakily I bought the next two books..Hubbie was getting jealous and its so hard to get anything done when your glued to a book. So I figure soon I'll start "Eclipse". I can't wait for the next movie to come out too! I'm thrilled!!

Starbucks boycott

I've been thinking lately that I need to boycott Starbucks....I am so addicted that I just about can't go one day with out having one. I don't like the fact that an item I consume has that kind of control over me. I think about all the money they make and its crazy!! My sister lives in Phoenix and says that the starbucks they go to goes through 150 gallons of milk per day! I just know that I get that urge for a venti caramel frappuccino and I can't resist..So I'm thinking about trying to cut down and see if I can pull away!! I think about the money out and how unhealthy these are..And how bad I want one right now!!

unaccomplished

The more I think about it the more unaccomplished I feel..I love and adore my children and am so glad to be with them. But something is missing. Myself..My need for my own career, my need to do something for me before I am unable to do it. I know everyone always says its never to late to get started. So I've been thinking about what I could do or what I'd possibly like to do. One of my girlfriends just graduated from nursing school. She is officially an RN..While I don't think thats for me, its given me the desire to do something. I've always wanted to do something..and was so glad to be out of high school that I didn't do anything!
When High School was over I got married. I didn't leave for school like so many of my friends. There never seemed like there was enough money for me to go to school. My mom didn't want me to leave and so I was never encouraged to attend college.(A whole different blog) Its left me feeling somewhat bitter. So when I could have gone to beauty school like I always thought I would being young and naive the 3000.00 it would have cost me seemed like such a huge amount. Plus there was the dreaded drive to bullhead or Lake Havasu and in my own reasoning it just didn't seem logical. Now 10 years later if I chose to go to Beauty school it would cost me on the side of 12-15,000.00. Boy did I miss the boat!
For the first 5 years of my marriage I didn't have children. So what was my reasoning?? My own worry for lack of failure, or that I wouldn't be smart enough to pull through it?? I'm not sure, but its really been on my mind. There is also my lack of support..I guess I should not call it lack of support but I don't know what to call it. For me to go back to school almost seems impossible to me right now. My husband is a work aholic. For him to stay home and watch kids is asking to much..My mom is in her 70's and gets worked up over everything. My mother in Law works full time to raise her granddaughter..Plus the drama of her own life..and alot of my family isn't in kingman..But the ones who are, are working full time, don't have children of their own, or lack the patience..along with their own drama..(Plus the added fact that it isn't their responsibility.) Not too mention the never ending financial aspect of everything. The economy has taken its hit on us like everyone else. I feel so stuck and unsure of what to do. My hubby has always had this idea of getting rich on your own and always said I was wasting my time to go back to school..Go into some sort of multilevel marketing thing..I am SO multilevel marketinged out! I'm tired of wasting tons of money to not have any thing work out. I know with schooling comes debt and paying bills back but I think I need to for my own sense of self and accomplishment..My own sense of me and who I am or need to become because I haven't yet..Other than wife and mother I need something else under my belt..Sigh
I suppose I should say this is just my current thought of being today. Tomorrow could be totally different! I shall talk with the hubby tonight...

I did however find a dog on Thursday..a shaggy dog as I was calling her..I ran a newspaper add, put out flyers, and tried to find her owner.. Today I called the pound and they had a dog matching her description in their book..so I called the lady Dee and I met up with her at the bowling ally. The look in her eyes is ingrained in my mind..The dog Woofie, was just as happy to see her and it was a good ending for all of us. She was so happy to have her dog back and I was happy for her to get back to her owner!

10 year reunion

This weekend was my 10 year high school reunion and I didn't attend. I had my pro's and con's about going and in the end decided not to make go. I don't feel guilty that I didn't attend. I just wasn't interested. I know alot of people went and enjoyed themselves, but it wasn't for me. I'm proud of the person I am. I didn't always enjoy my high school years and decided that it was best for me not to attend. I wasn't a part of click or any popular group. I had my close friends and people that were in my life, but that was it. I felt like I had to let go of that part of my life considering it wasn't one of my favorites. I did however have great friends and I will always hold them close to my heart and will always be thankful for all of the memories. They made my high school fun. Most of those people weren't there..Its sort of like visiting a house where the people that you loved and made that house a home aren't there anymore. I'm sure there were people there that I would have loved to have seen..but right now I'm just in sort of a weird funk. Not sure why...

I did however attend a wonderful life celebration and I got to go and spend time with some of my oldest friends. So that was great and it was wonderful to remember her dad and remember old times. Made me realize that I really do need to spend more time with old friends and make the time. Its hard in everyday life..Kids, family, life, work and everything else.
Right now I must say I am blessed and have no regrets!!

Also a cute pic of my boys "washing their feet" with my cleaner!

How do I love thee..Let me count the ways!

These guys truly light up my life..I look at these pictures and know how truly blessed I am! Today happens to be a very good day as are most:)

Finding my motivation

I always set out with good intentions..I always plan to get the house picked up, the laundry done, and everything else in my life buttoned up. But for some reason I just can't seem to get into the groove. I don't know how my super mom friends do it.(Oh and some of them even work full time!) Spotless house, kids, husband, dinner on the table..It baffles me. I'm just not sure how to reorganize myself and get past the point of no return. I haven't always been this way. If the light bulb went out I changed it. If I dumped it I cleaned it and I had a very good way of self organization. I'm not sure what happened. Having kids changed things to an extent. I got more used to spending time on the computer..when for years I didn't have one. Not even an email address. Now I have a few email addresses, a myspace, a blogger account, a twitter account and lord knows what else. I do everything via the internet, change addresses, pay bills, research stuff for hours on end. Until I can no longer sit in front of the computer. Alec even comes in and feeds me cereal..

I don't really even know how to find me again. How to get back into the groove..Maybe I suffer a mild form of depression I don't know..but I can really Jam on things when I need to..but otherwise I don't..Its sad. I have a very short temper and find myself yelling more than I should. I get frustrated when I tell the kids some thing and they don't listen. Their kids though, thats their job. All along the way I feel bad knowing that they are growing at a incalculatable rate and that I need to be a FUN mom and enjoy this time. It ends to fast..all the while I spend too much time thinking that today will be a day when I won't yell. I tried REALLY hard today and actually did quite well. I guess I get irritated because that perfection I seek so badly is rarely ever there.

I'm the house wife and I should be getting alot done. My house should be immaculate..My husband works a lot and I spend a lot of time alone. So really in my everyday boredom I should get alot done. I should be a super mom and I should be very fit..ha ha..Amidst the pregnancy ofcourse. How do I fix this?

Condemned for having baby number 3

I'm curious to know what it is about human nature that limits us to only having one or two children. I mean as I go to the store I get looks because I have another baby on the way and I already have 2. I see other people get looks because they have a few children with them. Seems so many people are so anti children when really its my choice and not any one elses. I love my kids with a passion, but its really getting old that people are "advising" my husband on having children. Telling him he needs to get fixed etc.. Isn't this a personal choice?

Excuse me but we weren't trying for baby number 3...I have to say if you tempt god things happen. For me everything happens for a reason. I'm happy to be expecting another baby, but at the same time it should be a happy time and not an unhappy time. Babies are a blessing and for what ever reason I was meant to have this next one. I remember the days when I didn't have children. Things were definately different and something was missing. I don't know that I would have ever had kids had I not gotten the unexpected surprise of Mark. Boy was I missing out. I had no idea the amount of love I could feel for someone else. How when they hurt I hurt and to worry so greatly about someone so little. WOW...Alec was welcome when ever he got here. We knew we would have one or two, and now we have number three on the way. A time that should be a happy time has left me feeling sad, self concious, and inadequate.

Everything changes when you have a child and I really don't think the people that don't have children should judge until they feel the greatest love of all. Kids are kids and they act up,they do silly stuff and they make us laugh. They grow up way to fast and all you have are memories. Some of us have a few kids, some of us have one, and some of us have none. But its a choice that we make ourselves. I am nervous enough worrying how the boys will react to having a sibling, and how I'm going to do it myself. But none the less I'm happy!

I am happy to be having another baby..
No offense to my friends that don't have children or preconcieved notions...I'm just feeling down!

Mean kids

The older my kids get the more I want to protect them. The more I can't stand mean kids. What makes children so darn mean. Is it how they see us acting towards each other, how we speak to one another or just how they are?

I really don't think its the last one. I know that we have to let's our kids spread their wings, learn to be who they are and hope for them to grow into wonderful adults. But I also think the parents need to step it up and stop being so bothered by their children. Stop treating them like less of people because they are little. Everyday goes by and I'm sad that my kids are getting bigger. But atleast I will know I was there and that I tried to be a good mom even with all the challenges.

Summer kick off!

I'm so excited to be posting about the first official summer holiday! Summer is my favorite time of the year!! Eating lots of watermelon and enjoying time with the family:) I'm so motivated to do major cleaning in the house. Getting things organized and getting rid of stuff that the hubbie won't let me...he he..If you only knew what a true pack rat he is..Its bad..His mom is the same way. So he comes by it naturally. He gets frustrated because he can never find anything and that I'm unorganized. Which may be true, but I love to get rid of stuff and he never wants to give or throw anything away that he paid money for. My organizational skills have gone down hill since I've become a mom. There have been certain points where I'm so over whelmed by papers and extra junk. Its become almost impossible to keep the house organized. Add a few kids to that and a pack rat hubbie and whola you have one big gigantic mess..lol..Believe me too, if someone has something to give away, they give it to Brandon..That has to be one of my biggest pet peeves. Anything he can sell and make a buck on he will. Except for the stuff that doesn't sell and gets lost in the shuffle..Ie, my garage or my shed..I think I was able to park in the garage for a whole month..So while my nice pretty white car sits outside and gets sundamaged, our junk is forever preserved in the garage..GRRRRR..makes me mad thinking about it..

So with that said, I hope that everyone has a great memorial day weekend and great summer kick off! My hopes are for a brighter future for my garage and my poor car as I continue to throw stuff out and clean stuff up!!

Insecure...

I don't know what it is about this pregnancy, but I am so insecure..I feel good, but worry about the after affects of a 3rd pregnancy...Its crazy...Thus far I am 21 weeks, getting ready to roll over on Wednesday. I have already gained 17lbs...I have no self control..its terrible..All I want to do is eat junk..I fight it all the time, every day..Its like an addiction or something..I have gladly nursed both of my boys and will do the same with the newbie..That seems to be the key to my weight loss. I just can't help but be worried about how I will be after baby number 3 gets here..I think this is when it starts to kick in..the fact that I will have 3 children. I have managed to slim down with the other two, but still have my concerns about my self and how the hubbie will view me. Luckily he loves me not matter what, curves and all. He seems to be able to embrace the changes I go through with each pregnancy..I guess thats my motivation for my after baby weight loss. I thank god that he loves me no matter what. Some men never get over the changes that happen to their wives and some just love us more. Thankfully I have one of those "i love you no matter what"

We had Mark's 5th party this weekend..It was crazy at my house. I've never had so many kids here ever. He had a blast though..It turned out well and he was very happy with the outcome.
Now I debate the ever lasting debate about whether or not we do a party every year or not...Its alot of work and alot of craziness..Do people ever get tired of going to birthday parties and social events? I think so..So we will see..I am always open to ideas and improvement!

20 weeks half way point

Well, I have finally made it to the half way point in pregnancy number 3. Baby number 3 is moving all over the place and finally getting to the point of kicking me in the ribs. The pregnancy is going well. I haven't really been sick at all and I feel pretty good. I'm usually tired in the evening, but I feel over tired and normally I can't sleep. The hot summer weather is here and its going to make for a very long season. I think I'm up for the challenge. Brandon will be freezing out of the house if I have anything to do with it. He is typically anti running the AC, but I already put in my two sense on that one:) He has no choice..
Mark's 5th birthday party is coming up next weekend. Trying to get all of the planning set for that. I think he will really enjoy it. Its a time when things are 100% about him and he loves that.
Alec is learning quickly the art of antagonizing his brother. The are both such sweet and good boys!

The Run down

So I thought I would give blogging a try..Everyone that I know that writes blogs seems to really enjoy it. Maybe for me it would be a good way to vent or feel heard. Also give everyone updates on whats happening with us..

We are fast approaching Mark's 5th birthday! I can not believe that soon enough I will be the mom to a 5 year old. The past 5 years have gone by so fast that my head is spinning. He is so wonderful though. I don't know what Brandon and I ever did before we were parents. Alec is 2 and a half. He knows how to get what he wants and how to get under his brothers skin. We have a new baby on the way..I don't know how we are going to do that...But I guess its just something you do. This one is a huge surprise. I'm trying to enjoy every minute of the pregnancy know this will most likely be my last. I tried the same with Alec, but I guess deep down I wasn't convinced he was my last. I look forward to having a new baby and just cross my fingers that things will go well with the siblings. I guess its something you always worry about as a parent. Aside from everything else going on in the world..I could spend my days in a cocoon trying to avoid all the negative garbage that is out there. But I don't I just put myself out there and try to be a good mom and wife. With the everyday struggles that are going on.

We've had to take a few steps back and re-evaluate our life, our finances and each other. I guess sometimes thats how you grow and learn. Things are going better than ever though at this point.

We are 19 weeks pregnant by dates and 21 by ultrasound. The doc says that we can have the baby anytime in between, but he thinks closer to 19 weeks. I just go with the flow. The baby is moving all the time now and its the best feeling. Although I am growing more insecure as my body starts to round out. It amazes me how the female body can construct and grow a baby. Such a miracle. I've done the delivery thing twice now, but that still doesn't stop me from getting nervous when I think about it. Hopefully this time I will get an epidural..High 5 to those women who can go with out..I did it once not by choice, but hope this time I will have the choice:)

Brandon is working hard as usual...He still works for Banker Insulation full time and on the side he is working for Tri state solar and wind. Selling wind turbines. Everyone is going green and the earning potential is huge. so he works just as much trying to stay busy and keep us afloat during these rough economic times..He made his first sale last week and is setting up lots of appointments.