10 year reunion

This weekend was my 10 year high school reunion and I didn't attend. I had my pro's and con's about going and in the end decided not to make go. I don't feel guilty that I didn't attend. I just wasn't interested. I know alot of people went and enjoyed themselves, but it wasn't for me. I'm proud of the person I am. I didn't always enjoy my high school years and decided that it was best for me not to attend. I wasn't a part of click or any popular group. I had my close friends and people that were in my life, but that was it. I felt like I had to let go of that part of my life considering it wasn't one of my favorites. I did however have great friends and I will always hold them close to my heart and will always be thankful for all of the memories. They made my high school fun. Most of those people weren't there..Its sort of like visiting a house where the people that you loved and made that house a home aren't there anymore. I'm sure there were people there that I would have loved to have seen..but right now I'm just in sort of a weird funk. Not sure why...

I did however attend a wonderful life celebration and I got to go and spend time with some of my oldest friends. So that was great and it was wonderful to remember her dad and remember old times. Made me realize that I really do need to spend more time with old friends and make the time. Its hard in everyday life..Kids, family, life, work and everything else.
Right now I must say I am blessed and have no regrets!!

Also a cute pic of my boys "washing their feet" with my cleaner!

How do I love thee..Let me count the ways!

These guys truly light up my life..I look at these pictures and know how truly blessed I am! Today happens to be a very good day as are most:)

Finding my motivation

I always set out with good intentions..I always plan to get the house picked up, the laundry done, and everything else in my life buttoned up. But for some reason I just can't seem to get into the groove. I don't know how my super mom friends do it.(Oh and some of them even work full time!) Spotless house, kids, husband, dinner on the table..It baffles me. I'm just not sure how to reorganize myself and get past the point of no return. I haven't always been this way. If the light bulb went out I changed it. If I dumped it I cleaned it and I had a very good way of self organization. I'm not sure what happened. Having kids changed things to an extent. I got more used to spending time on the computer..when for years I didn't have one. Not even an email address. Now I have a few email addresses, a myspace, a blogger account, a twitter account and lord knows what else. I do everything via the internet, change addresses, pay bills, research stuff for hours on end. Until I can no longer sit in front of the computer. Alec even comes in and feeds me cereal..

I don't really even know how to find me again. How to get back into the groove..Maybe I suffer a mild form of depression I don't know..but I can really Jam on things when I need to..but otherwise I don't..Its sad. I have a very short temper and find myself yelling more than I should. I get frustrated when I tell the kids some thing and they don't listen. Their kids though, thats their job. All along the way I feel bad knowing that they are growing at a incalculatable rate and that I need to be a FUN mom and enjoy this time. It ends to fast..all the while I spend too much time thinking that today will be a day when I won't yell. I tried REALLY hard today and actually did quite well. I guess I get irritated because that perfection I seek so badly is rarely ever there.

I'm the house wife and I should be getting alot done. My house should be immaculate..My husband works a lot and I spend a lot of time alone. So really in my everyday boredom I should get alot done. I should be a super mom and I should be very fit..ha ha..Amidst the pregnancy ofcourse. How do I fix this?

Condemned for having baby number 3

I'm curious to know what it is about human nature that limits us to only having one or two children. I mean as I go to the store I get looks because I have another baby on the way and I already have 2. I see other people get looks because they have a few children with them. Seems so many people are so anti children when really its my choice and not any one elses. I love my kids with a passion, but its really getting old that people are "advising" my husband on having children. Telling him he needs to get fixed etc.. Isn't this a personal choice?

Excuse me but we weren't trying for baby number 3...I have to say if you tempt god things happen. For me everything happens for a reason. I'm happy to be expecting another baby, but at the same time it should be a happy time and not an unhappy time. Babies are a blessing and for what ever reason I was meant to have this next one. I remember the days when I didn't have children. Things were definately different and something was missing. I don't know that I would have ever had kids had I not gotten the unexpected surprise of Mark. Boy was I missing out. I had no idea the amount of love I could feel for someone else. How when they hurt I hurt and to worry so greatly about someone so little. WOW...Alec was welcome when ever he got here. We knew we would have one or two, and now we have number three on the way. A time that should be a happy time has left me feeling sad, self concious, and inadequate.

Everything changes when you have a child and I really don't think the people that don't have children should judge until they feel the greatest love of all. Kids are kids and they act up,they do silly stuff and they make us laugh. They grow up way to fast and all you have are memories. Some of us have a few kids, some of us have one, and some of us have none. But its a choice that we make ourselves. I am nervous enough worrying how the boys will react to having a sibling, and how I'm going to do it myself. But none the less I'm happy!

I am happy to be having another baby..
No offense to my friends that don't have children or preconcieved notions...I'm just feeling down!