I always set out with good intentions..I always plan to get the house picked up, the laundry done, and everything else in my life buttoned up. But for some reason I just can't seem to get into the groove. I don't know how my super mom friends do it.(Oh and some of them even work full time!) Spotless house, kids, husband, dinner on the table..It baffles me. I'm just not sure how to reorganize myself and get past the point of no return. I haven't always been this way. If the light bulb went out I changed it. If I dumped it I cleaned it and I had a very good way of self organization. I'm not sure what happened. Having kids changed things to an extent. I got more used to spending time on the computer..when for years I didn't have one. Not even an email address. Now I have a few email addresses, a myspace, a blogger account, a twitter account and lord knows what else. I do everything via the internet, change addresses, pay bills, research stuff for hours on end. Until I can no longer sit in front of the computer. Alec even comes in and feeds me cereal..
I don't really even know how to find me again. How to get back into the groove..Maybe I suffer a mild form of depression I don't know..but I can really Jam on things when I need to..but otherwise I don't..Its sad. I have a very short temper and find myself yelling more than I should. I get frustrated when I tell the kids some thing and they don't listen. Their kids though, thats their job. All along the way I feel bad knowing that they are growing at a incalculatable rate and that I need to be a FUN mom and enjoy this time. It ends to fast..all the while I spend too much time thinking that today will be a day when I won't yell. I tried REALLY hard today and actually did quite well. I guess I get irritated because that perfection I seek so badly is rarely ever there.
I'm the house wife and I should be getting alot done. My house should be immaculate..My husband works a lot and I spend a lot of time alone. So really in my everyday boredom I should get alot done. I should be a super mom and I should be very fit..ha ha..Amidst the pregnancy ofcourse. How do I fix this?
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Finding my motivation
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3 comments:
Jennifer,
If it's any consolation- I used to work full time, manage 2 kids, a house and a husband. I was the super Mom. I longed to be a stay at home Mom so badly and envied those who did it... that was all 7 months ago. Then in Dec my 13 month old had an accident and suffered severe brain damage. I got my wish to be a stay at home Mom- but not quite the way I planned. Now I have the task of helping my little guy to recover. We don't know if he'll ever walk or talk again. The point of my story is to tell you- life is short. You never know what's around the next bend. I realize it's hard to find your motivation some days- I feel the same sometimes- but you've got to take care of yourself- find an exercise class, scrapbook- do whatever you enjoy. Your mental health is too important! Both for you and your family. Make sure you're expressing your thoughts outloud- like you've done on this blog- but to your husbands and girlfriends too- so they can help to step in for a day to give you a break so you can relax and refresh yourself-you deserve it! Tina
so sorry to hear about your tragedy. You are right life is too short..I hope that your child makes a full recovery. Things are never as bad as we may think..especially compared to others. I've heard wonderful things about hyperbaric chambers and brain injuries. I wish you well and thank you for your advice!
Oh Jennifer. I SO could have written this EXACT SAME POST. I completely feel the way you do. I spend way too much time on the computer, yell at my kids too much, let the house go (when I'm home ALL DAY LONG). I know just what you are feeling. Only I'm not pregnant. (That adds a whole other level of frustration!) Hang in there. Relax. Take one thing at a time. Think more along the eternal perspective (ie. does it really matter if my floors are clean enough to eat of off?) Just try to understand that this time in your life will be gone before you realize it. Enjoy it.
Yes, I have to tell myself that ALL THE TIME. It doesn't always work. But sometimes, sometimes, I have one of those days that I just love. Nothing wonderful happened, other than those sweet little people (and one big one) in my life. And I understand, just a little, what life here is really about. You really are a great mom and wife. I can tell by the way you just want to be better. That says more than anything.
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