unaccomplished

The more I think about it the more unaccomplished I feel..I love and adore my children and am so glad to be with them. But something is missing. Myself..My need for my own career, my need to do something for me before I am unable to do it. I know everyone always says its never to late to get started. So I've been thinking about what I could do or what I'd possibly like to do. One of my girlfriends just graduated from nursing school. She is officially an RN..While I don't think thats for me, its given me the desire to do something. I've always wanted to do something..and was so glad to be out of high school that I didn't do anything!
When High School was over I got married. I didn't leave for school like so many of my friends. There never seemed like there was enough money for me to go to school. My mom didn't want me to leave and so I was never encouraged to attend college.(A whole different blog) Its left me feeling somewhat bitter. So when I could have gone to beauty school like I always thought I would being young and naive the 3000.00 it would have cost me seemed like such a huge amount. Plus there was the dreaded drive to bullhead or Lake Havasu and in my own reasoning it just didn't seem logical. Now 10 years later if I chose to go to Beauty school it would cost me on the side of 12-15,000.00. Boy did I miss the boat!
For the first 5 years of my marriage I didn't have children. So what was my reasoning?? My own worry for lack of failure, or that I wouldn't be smart enough to pull through it?? I'm not sure, but its really been on my mind. There is also my lack of support..I guess I should not call it lack of support but I don't know what to call it. For me to go back to school almost seems impossible to me right now. My husband is a work aholic. For him to stay home and watch kids is asking to much..My mom is in her 70's and gets worked up over everything. My mother in Law works full time to raise her granddaughter..Plus the drama of her own life..and alot of my family isn't in kingman..But the ones who are, are working full time, don't have children of their own, or lack the patience..along with their own drama..(Plus the added fact that it isn't their responsibility.) Not too mention the never ending financial aspect of everything. The economy has taken its hit on us like everyone else. I feel so stuck and unsure of what to do. My hubby has always had this idea of getting rich on your own and always said I was wasting my time to go back to school..Go into some sort of multilevel marketing thing..I am SO multilevel marketinged out! I'm tired of wasting tons of money to not have any thing work out. I know with schooling comes debt and paying bills back but I think I need to for my own sense of self and accomplishment..My own sense of me and who I am or need to become because I haven't yet..Other than wife and mother I need something else under my belt..Sigh
I suppose I should say this is just my current thought of being today. Tomorrow could be totally different! I shall talk with the hubby tonight...

I did however find a dog on Thursday..a shaggy dog as I was calling her..I ran a newspaper add, put out flyers, and tried to find her owner.. Today I called the pound and they had a dog matching her description in their book..so I called the lady Dee and I met up with her at the bowling ally. The look in her eyes is ingrained in my mind..The dog Woofie, was just as happy to see her and it was a good ending for all of us. She was so happy to have her dog back and I was happy for her to get back to her owner!