Sincerity

I think a little bit of sincerity goes a long way. Lately I've seen so many people just going through the motions and it really bugs me. When did life become so busy that we can't genuinely take interest in people. There are so many people out there that ask you how you are. But how many actually care or take interest. Its hard to find good friends. Even harder when everyone is so busy with their own lives. I guess I do know exactly how this is. I get busy and there are days that when I don't have to leave the house I don't. I sometimes wonder where I would be if I didn't have the few close friends I have managed to hang on to. I guess I'm very dependent on my husband and now that he is so busy with work and school I am about to go mad! Maybe thats why I'm noticing how insincere people are or can be. I probably ready way to much into it. I have a lot more time to think now that the hubby is so busy. I don't know that I could be single for very long or be a single mom. Right now all the kids needs are met by me and its tough. A little alone time goes a long way. Right now I'm working on getting my college stuff in order. Did you know they are enrolling for the spring classes already? WOW! Of course there have been a few hiccups but nothing to bad. I'm working on the financial aid aspect right now. Its being held up because around 15 years ago I took some classes with a friend. They were dual enrollment and they were being offered for free. I was still in high school and not really ready to take them seriously. I wanted to get the credits to graduate early but didn't have to have the classes. I also feel that being in high school and at the age that you aren't taken seriously I was misinformed about a lot of things. Like when you take a class, drop it if you do not intend to stay. Then it does not go on your records as a fail or affect your GPA. No clue..or buying your books...I was a poor high school student. My parents had money but I did not..haha...I didn't even know I had to have books. I mean how retarded was that? But I had never taken college classes and had never been walked through it and honestly I don't think they ever told us. So now that I'm older I know better. Its a learned thing and I'm ready to go, but I have to have to have an appeal for those classes that I didn't finish saying why..Do you think they will listen to the fact that I was a retard?? mmmm, probably not..but its just another step to move forward. I'm ready and will get there sooner or later... My challenge for you today is when you are talking to someone really be there. Take interest in them. You never know what they may be dealing with on the inside. They could be hurting really bad or just need that kick to help their self esteem.

I'm still here

I am still alive.!!! I can give you several reasons why I haven't been blogging, but here are the two most crucial. First off, my computer is in the shop. I've had issues for a while now and finally took it to get fixed. I also have a lap top that works when it wants too. Some times it charges sometimes it doesn't. Its very annoying. So some days I don't have a computer at all. Its strange, but I've noticed how much more I get done when I don't have a computer taking up my time as I sit and surf. Its crazy how fast an hour can go by when you are in surf mode. My second reason is I have writers block something terrible. I don't really have any thing exciting to blog about. My days seem to fly by in a blur but nothing to crazy happening. My hubby has been crazy busy with work and school. He started going to school to for HVAC.(Heating and cooling) So he works all day long and then has classes at night. Most of the time other wise he is spending studying. It will take him a year to get his certificate and then he is going to go for an associates in business I think. He is so smart it blows me away. I hope to have that much success when I get back to it.. My schooling is still a work in progress. I can't start my classes until the spring because of timing. But Its going to happen. Although as time goes by its really easy to talk my self out of going. Its strange how if you don't act right away its easy to lose momentum. I feel that way sometimes. Especially first thing in the morning. Mark, Alec and Blake are doing great. Mark is loving school and doing very well. I fight with Alec on going to school every Monday. The rest of the week he is fine. Blake is still running amuck. He is so funny. Growing so much and saying new words every day. I think my favorite that he says is Salsa. Its too cute. They have all 3 had the crud that comes and goes with the cold and warm weather. 2 days ago I woke up with a tickle in my throat and now I'm feeling kind of blah. Blake also turned 2 on the 20th of the September. Time is just flying by way to quick... I've been doing a lot of deal shopping and price matching on stuff..I make out my list weekly by looking at the sale papers and then I hit Wal-Mart. Its kind of annoying sometimes and seems like a lot of work, but I end up saving like crazy. Its so worth it. I've also realized that when the sale papers are dropped off on my street usually its only half of the street that gets one. Not sure why. So sometimes its my side, some times its the other side and sometimes its no one. I haven't figured out the mystery to that one yet. So yes, I am still here. I do read your posts and sometimes I don't comment but I am reading!!!

Moving Forward

What is it about change that makes us so uncomfortable? Is it moving into the unknown? Being afraid that once we get there we won't like it? I have thought and thought about going back to school. I've not made the decision for so long now because I really don't like changes. I'm happy in my little bubble. I enjoy doing things my way and not having to worry about the added stress of school. The question of going back to school has haunted me for a very long time. I always thought I'd go back. I got very comfortable in my routine with the boys. Not worrying about my future and what I would be doing. I always thought I had a lot of time to do all of this. I've watched my friends around me graduate and move into successful careers.Now I don't find my self unsuccessful (happily married, Mom to 3 boys) there is something missing. I don't feel like I've accomplished what I need to. I'm getting older and sometimes I think about what I would ever do if anything ever happened to my husband. How would I raise these 3 boys?? Thats something I never, never want to worry about but its a smart thing to consider. Also what happens to me when my boys are grown and out of the house? Who will I be then? I will always be their mom, but one day they won't need me. (as much:) ) So I've taken a few steps into moving forward. I've done a lot of research on going back to school. I've done my financial aid and the biggest most scary step....I took my compass test!!!! I think the scariest thing for me was that darn test!!! I was so scared to take it, its really held me back a lot of the time I've spent putting going back to school off. I got a 91 on my reading. An 81 on my writing. Math I didn't do so hot on. I'm going to retest on it once I study a bit more. I think I can test higher, at least I hope so. Realistically I'm at the point that if I don't test higher then I really do need to take it over again so I can do well on future math classes. I probably won't get going until the Spring semester but I'm really excited to be this far. I'm just proud of my self and for the first time in a very long time I feel intelligent again. I can be a mom and go back to school, all the while having the best of both worlds!

School is grand!

I have to tell you these past few weeks of school have been great! I love how caring everyone is and its a great feeling. The first week of school Mark fell and hit his head on one of the bars in the playground. The principal called me herself to let me know what happened. She said I could come in and check on him if I wanted to. It was really nice, and of course I went;-)

This last week Mark bonked heads with one of his class mates on the play ground and I got another call to let me know what happened. He was fine! When I went to get him he had a sticker on his shirt that said "I hit my head, please keep and eye on me." I also told Mark that we needed to change his name from Mark to Konk...;-)
This is a new school to Mark this year and I have been worried that Mark would have a hard time making new friends. Kids these days are just different. They don't seem as out going. So I sent his teacher and email letting her know that I was worried about that. She told me she moves them around in class a lot. That she would make sure he was meeting new friends. The next day the principal called me to let me know Mark's teacher had told her that I was a little worried. (Mark had been saying he missed his friends at Manzanita and wanted to go back) She went to Mark's class room and spent some time with Mark getting to know him. She told me what a nice young man he is and that they would make sure he was making friends. I was so impressed I can not even tell you how good that made me feel. I really appreciated the effort and kindness that I have been shown.
The school year is off to a great start!

Did I speak or think to fast?

Some times I have to wonder if the joke is on me. Seriously, you all remember the last bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep at my house. Well things have been going good. We are ready for school to start. I've been doing my own research on going back to school. Things have been busy but I feel like I have my groove back a lil. Then Wham!?! I am talking to my hubbies other niece Cara. She is the sister to Bleep, who just moved out! She has been staying with her Grandpa for the past few years. She has been with Brandon's mom forever and ever. Until Brandon's estranged sister got out of jail and started inhabiting her home. Until his nephew got in trouble and got kicked out of his place with Brandon's other sister.
So Cara moves in with her Grandpa so she can get away from the drama at
her Grandma's. His health isn't the greatest but he has managed to take care of her and has enjoyed her being there for him. Recently he was admitted to the hospital 3rd time in the last 2weeks. He needs 24 hour care and is going to the Gardens. Sooooo, I get a call from Cara saying Her and Grandma want to come meet with us. Cara wants to know if she can move in with us. WHAT?!? Did they forget that I just had a nightmare move out of my house? I told them we would think about it. I don't want to make any quick decisions. That is what happened last time.

This niece is totally different than her sister but I just don't know. I'm angry with Brandon's mom for not trying to do things different and putting up with the things she puts up with. I know she isn't even happy in her own home. There are always people in and out and its just a bunch of bologna what she allows to go on. Brandon's niece just started 9th grade. She is a good girl a little needy, but a good girl. She and Trenton don't know who their dad is. With everything they have been through I think she is the one that is going to do well in life and stays out of trouble etc.
I feel bad because I don't want her to feel like she isn't wanted. But what about my family? We suffer to..rrrrrr!

New school year

Well the count down is on. We start school on Monday. I went to meet the teacher yesterday. I felt so out of place and awkward. I really hope that feeling goes away. Mark and Alec are both really excited. I don't know why I let it bother me so much but I do. I want my kids to be in the best place possible. I wanted them to go to the charter school so bad and now I'm scared and really missing the other school. We have been so blessed that they have been accepted so I don't want to seem ungrateful. I'm just nervous. I want them to make friends and be happy.
I did come to the conclusion last night that this has nothing to do with them and everything to do with me. They will do great. They will be happy where ever they are. Friendship didn't come easy to me in school. I don't know what made me so different but Jr. High was a nightmare. I'm so glad its over and that I don't have to do it again. In my head last night I was thinking that this was 19+ years ago and I'm still thinking about it?? The people that made me unhappy are spread all over the world and dealing with who knows what. I had a good cry and a good pray and feel like I was able to let it go. Now I just need to work on being more personable. Not let the fear of being alone get to me.

Ding dong the witch is gone!!

Ok so here is my last post on this subject. She is now gone and it is time to let it go. My niece moved all of her stuff out two Saturdays ago. All but her little dog. She said she would come Tuesday to get her but didn't. Understandably she wanted to vaccinate her before taking her to her new home. Tuesday came and I didn't hear from her until around 3pm. She wanted me to take her to cash her boyfriends check that he had signed over to her. She doesn't have her own account and I guess they needed the cash pronto. Now I don't know what time his job hands out checks but like everything else she waited until the last minute to ask me. He was already at work. He started at 3pm. I told her I would call my bank and ask if they would cash it but I had my suspisions that they wouldn't. I was right. So I let her know and she was annoyed like any other day.
Let me back up to Friday..She called Friday night as 9:45. Hubby and I were going to Laughlin to meet up with my sis and her husband last minute. I told my niece that we were leaving and she asked if I could leave the door unlocked. UMMM, NO!! She said she HAD to get over here that night and get everything ready to go for the next day..move some boxes around and throw out some trash. She said it was the only time she had as they were coming to get her stuff the next morning. Besides she wanted to see her dog that she hadn't seen in a few days.

I did end up letting her come to finish up her organizing and packing. I decided that I wanted to get her out and didn't want to leave her with any reason not to get her stuff. She said she would be here Saturday morning.

Saturday afternoon they finally show up. With out friends to help them move..they waited an hour for some people to show up. They had it all moved out side and packed up and left. No good bye, thank you, kiss my booty nothing. I didn't hear from her until the following Saturday when she came to pick up her dog. We were at the grocery store and she called. I didn't answer because I didn't recognize the number. 3 calls later and she called Brandon. She said they were ALREADY at our house and wanted the doggie. Brandon told her we were at the store and it would probably be an hour before we got home. She gave the same old song and dance about how this was the ONLY time they could come and get her and that they were already here. Brandon told her he understood that but she needed to call before coming over. She got huffy and hung up on him calling me back right away. Asking if it was really going to be an hour...No it probably wasn't but geez, I am so tired of putting my life on hold for her. I ended up checking out and forgetting half of what I needed at the store. She got her dog, dish and some food. Good bye right..Nope!!

This Tuesday she picked up her 9.00 check from work. She came by my house at 6pm wanting to know if I could take her to cash her check...Well NO because they are already closed. I think she was hoping I'd just give her the cash. RRRRR!!!

So yesterday she called and of course I didn't answer. She left a message again about cashing her check and doing some laundry. What the F! SERIOUSLY...I ONLY see her when she wants some thing and she wanted to move out to be a big girl but still wants all the perks of living here?? Any time she ever did anything for me like watching the kids her boyfriend HAD to be here and I always owed her something.

I don't mind helping her out, but she told me she didn't want help all the times she said she had NO reason to be home. I never know if what she says is the truth or a lie and I'm tired of it. She went to the ER for a UTI and the bill got sent to her GPa in her dads name. They only did a urine test and a pregnancy test and it cost 1033.00. I told her about the bill and she said oh well my dad can take care of it. Its in his name and its responsibility....WOW..
She also got fired from her job because she was a no call no show. She was moving that day and her boyfriend fell into some glass. So they went to the ER. Now when I asked her if she worked she said she FORGOT. Now she says she was at the ER the whole time and tried calling for hours on end. That when she finally reached someone it was after her shift and she hadn't called since then because she doesn't have a phone any more. They've moved and she hasn't had access to a phone. Well she certainly doesn't have a problem finding a phone to call me when she needs something. So she showed up all ready to work and he was like UMM, you don't work here anymore. So of course that was his fault and she gave him a piece of her mind. Ahhhh!!! RRRRRRR...Deep breath and let it go..Hopefully this is done now.

**Disclaimer**
*Now I do sound mean and heartless but I really do love her and wish her well and right now I'm angry..But I'm just beyond burnt with the whole situation*